It started with a look. It looks like no one could give me besides him. He was my best friend, he always made me feel better, but yet he broke my heart. We dated for a while, almost two years, one month away from two years, but it went to hell that fatal night. It was our last home game before playoffs, and we already fought that day. I was mad at him for some stupid reason and that's stupid reason just got worse. We were the typical band couple and everyone looked up to us. Everyone said that we were goals. everyone thought we were so cute together, but none of that mattered after the game. He showed me something that his friend made of me, which was rude and demeaning toward me. I started to get emotional so emotional I told him that I was going to cut myself again. He told me to stop and I walked away. He tried to catch up and when he did he pulled me aside and said, " I'm tired of you being so emotional and telling me that you're going to cut yourself again and start drinking again! I'm tired of it," and out of anger I said " then leave!" And he left. I walked up to the stands and sat in my spot and started hitting the railing. My best friend Jennifer looked at me, and she asked me what was wrong, and I told her my side. I told her that my boyfriend broke up with me because I was being too emotional. Then word got out to everyone in band, and soon everyone was telling me what a dick he was. I cried my eyes out that night and I still cry my eyes out. All my friends gave me their numbers, they started supporting me, and I couldn't help but take it. When I went to turn in my uniform, I shouldn't have started crying but I did. One of the drum majors saw me and ran after me. She comforted me and told me I didn't deserve him and when everyone tells you that you start to believe it. But what they didn't know is that me and him even though we're in high school we love each other. Someone asked me if I knew that he actually loved me, and I said, "At least I thought he did because he did before." And then they told me that he just hasn't matured yet, and that he was still a child. And I just was quiet, and I didn't defend him because I was really mad... after the game, after we put our uniforms up he texted me. He told me he was sorry, he told me that he didn't expect me to forgive him, and I just read that text for a long time. But I replied. I replied that he had to pay for his mistakes and that we couldn't be a couple anymore. He begged for me back, and I kept telling him he couldn't have me. Then he called me. I heard him cry, which was not something I haven't heard before, I heard him beg, but worst of all I heard the pain. At that moment I knew that he had hurt me before, and I know that I shouldn't let him get to me like that, but he got to me because of my love for him. And I know the second people find out that I forgave him, they're going to call me crazy, stupid, and a psycho for letting someone like that back into my life. But what they don't understand so when you spend so much of your life into that one person it hurts to let them go and if you did let them go you would die inside! And I wouldn't know because we've broken up before and I'd stopped eating, I stopped doing anything that I cared about, I slept too much, I was never anywhere except for school, I had just stop caring about life. And people say that it's just a stupid High School relationship but to me it was much more. Even though I forgave him we still need a break. We need to find ourselves again we need space again! We just need to become friends again and then maybe we can be a couple again. But these are words I could never say to him in person or on a call, so I'm saying them on here because maybe he'll read it and he'll understand. Don't get me wrong I love him to death but I can't be with someone who makes me cry. We need a break and that's something we're doing at this moment.
