Hired // l.h.

Chapter 50

What's the definition of a healthy relationship? Is it like the ones you see in the cheesy romance movies? Girl runs away, boy shows up with flowers, they kiss in the rain and live happily ever after. That's not realistic. It's okay to fight in a relationship. Not all the time, you shouldn't be unhappy, but sometimes it's okay. It's not healthy to chase someone. They shouldn't be pulling you along on a leash, ignoring you to show they aren't interested but giving you just the right amount of attention to keep you following. But they also shouldn't be holding you back. If I want to go to college, I'm gonna go, no matter what happens with whatever guy I'm dating. Or if one person in the relationship becomes successful, the other shouldn't get jealous and put the other down. Jealousy. Is that okay in a relationship? In small doses I guess, but neither should be controlling the other's life.

Where does mine and Luke's relationship fit? What about with Aiden?

Everyone tells me that my relationship with Aiden was unhealthy, I see that now, but back then I didn't. He was manipulative and made me believe I was the problem, not him. That there was something wrong with me. I don't feel like that with Luke. Does that mean my relationship with Luke is healthy? Or is it unhealthy but just in a different way?

I'm probably just overthinking everything, like always. Sometimes I just wish my mind would turn off. Or at least get rid of all the anxiety. I think anxiety is the root of most of my problems.

"You okay, Iv?" Luke walks over to me, placing a quick kiss to my forehead before sitting on the couch next to me. "You haven't turned a page in your book in ten minutes."

"Yeah." I quickly nod my head. "Just thinking."

"Don't stress too much." He runs a hand through my hair before leaning back on the couch. "You can talk to me about whatever is on your mind."

"I know." I send a small smile in his direction before just putting my book down and making my way towards the stairs. "I'm gonna go shower."

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"You ready for dinner?" Luke checks the time on his phone before looking over towards me on the couch.

"I'm not feeling that great today, Luke."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah but you go without me." We were meant to go meet up with a few of Luke's friends but I'm not feeling up to go out. I don't know if it's a mental reason or a more physical sickness, but I just know I wouldn't last very long going out.

"Well I don't want to just leave you here if you're sick." He comes over and places the back of his hand on my forehead, checking for a fever.

"Just go without me. I don't want you missing time with your friends. Keegan is home and Callie is right across the street if I need her. Go and have fun."

"I don't want-"

"Luke. Go." I smile at him and he returns the gesture before setting a soft kiss on my forehead and going upstairs to grab his shoes.

I lay my head back on the couch and notice a slight throbbing. Maybe I should've gotten checked for a concussion after falling in the shower. Probably would've been a smart move but I'm sure I'm fine.

Luke comes running back down the stairs, keys in hand and shoes now on his feet.

"Call me if you need me. I'll text you to check in."

"Go have fun. I'll be fine."

"Love you."

"I love you too. Now go." I point to the front door and he laughs before closing it behind him.

I close my eyes, laying my head down on the pillow, desperately wanting sleep to overcome me, but it doesn't happen. It's funny how when I'm doing something like homework or texting, I have no problem falling asleep, yet when I want to sleep, it just doesn't happen.

Instead my mind is once again full of thoughts about relationships. What's healthy? What isn't? I don't think I know the answer. I don't know when it crosses the line.

Would my relationship now be unhealthy since I'm literally being paid to go out with Luke? But I do actually love him so it's okay. Right? It's not fake though. So it must be okay. Our feelings are all mutual, shared. That's healthy.

Age doesn't matter, does it? 17 and 20, three years. Being in this relationship doesn't count as illegal right? That's just sexual stuff. Well Kylie Jenner and Tyga have a seven year difference so three isn't a big deal. But she's 19.

I smack myself in the forehead and groan.

Stop overthinking everything. Just be spontaneous for once. Leave something be without analyzing it a million times.

But I was naïve in my relationship and look where that got me. It's okay to think through things now. It can help keep me from getting hurt again.

No, it could drive me mad. I'd never see the good side of anything, never think anyone is actually telling the truth. That compliment? They didn't mean it. That gift? They only felt obligated. They don't text back within a few minutes? I'm being annoying.

It's awful and I wish it would stop, just not all the way.

My phone vibrates on the table, pulling me out of my thoughts.

Luke <3: everything good?

Me: you've been gone for an hour, I'm doing fine

Luke <3: fine as in the "I hate myself and everything is awful" or "everything is going pretty good."

Me: I'm doing good

Luke <3: ok. keep me updated <3

I go back upstairs, changing into shorts and a sweatshirt before laying down in bed.

I take out my phone, updating everyone on snapchat as well as keeping all my streaks going before turning the Hamilton soundtrack on really low and turning the light off so I can hopefully sleep. A 17 year old going to bed at eight over winter break. How cool am I? I guess my youtube channel can make up for it. And my amazing boyfriend.

I focus on the music playing, keeping all the overthinking out of my head so I can actually relax, and finally slip into sleep.

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I know it's been forever and I feel so bad! I've been super busy and I was sick last weekend as well as my anxiety increasing with all the stress I'm under at school so just wasn't really feeling up to it :/

Not a very good chapter but an update none the less. I'll try and make the next update better and hopefully not have as long of a wait.

Don't forget to vote and comment <3

p.s. If anyone ever needs to talk about anything don't be scared to message me. I won't judge for anything and I know what it's like to just need to get something out :)