The Secret Life of the American Teenager

Letter

Dear Ricky, 

This letter will change everything. I can't handle telling you this in person. I know I'm being a coward, and I'm sorry. If we didn't have two kids I wouldn't be writing this letter and telling you this, at all. I wouldn't have to, I could just disappear. But then again, it also means we wouldn't have gotten together in the first place. So I'm thankful I have to write this letter, in a very odd way. You know I got back together with Ben shortly after I got to New York. You know why I left California, you know about the dress I bought, you know about my room in New York, you even know about my copy of your graduation proposal. I know you know most of my secrets. So you know how much I love you. What you don't know is, why I don't want you and John to move to New York. Or why I have asked Margret and Shaker to move back to California with Hope. You don't know why I can't be part of our children's lives. 

Our week in New York was the last time I felt safe, and the first time I had felt safe in months. No one but Ben, Margret and after today at the mall now Grace, Dr. Fields, and finally now you, after you finish this letter, know why that is or what happened in New York. After Ben and I broke up, I was attacked one night. A guy broke into my apartment with his identical twin and one of them raped me. I heard their voices today, that's why I ran, that's why I turned green. It took me back to that night. It's why I have thought about becoming the 'new Ricky' as everyone calls it. Thanks for talking to Dr. Fields, I know it was you who told him, and I'm sorry if you're mad that he called me after your appointment but it may have been the kick I needed to know that's not what is best. I feel broken and I'm not sure how to fix it. I'm not sure how to fix myself. I never understood why a woman would do that after a rape until now, its our way of taking control back after not having control. 

I will always love you, now and forever. I just can't handle to see the look on your face when you find this out. I can't handle how this will change things between us. I can't handle any of it. Please, just act like I don't exist. Please, move on and find happiness you deserve that. I want you to have that. I know you are and will continue to be a great father to John and Hope. I don't know what you're going to tell the kids about me, maybe just that I died or something. That's up to you. I'm sorry, but the three of you are better off without me.

Amy

*Ricky with tears in his eyes grabs a sleeping John and tells Nora he has to go. Ricky calls George*

G- Hey Ricky, what's up?

R- Can you watch John tonight? I'm on my way now. I need to deal with something. Right now. 

G- Sure Ricky. You okay?

R- No, but I can't talk about it. 

G- Okay, see you soon. 

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*Ten minutes later Ricky drops off a sleeping John at George and Kathleen's house. It's now 9:00 at night. Ricky drives to Amy's. After getting to Amy's old house and seeing Grace's car still in the driveway. He knocks on the front door, but gets no answer. He decides to text Grace. 

Text from Ricky to Grace: Are you with Amy?

Text from Grace to Ricky: Yeah, why?

Text from Ricky to Grace: I'm at her old house, where are you guys?

Text from Grace to Ricky: In Ashley's old room. Not sure why but she doesn't want to be in the house. 

*Ricky runs around the house to Ashley's old room. He has a pocket knife and a baseball bat, to protect Amy and now Grace with.*