Oh, My Soldier

48

Following the meeting, I went to the armory to collect my gear, but Peggy was right at my heels. I stopped in front or the gun rack and scanned for my pistol and plenty of ammo. "You aren't planning on going out there are you?" Peggy asked worriedly behind me. We were the only ones in the room.

"Of course I am." I said plainly, moving from the gun rack to pick up a duffel bag.

"You cant!" she said rather loudly.

"Why not?" I scoffed, only watching my hands as they moved to grab ammo off of shelves and stuffing it into the bag.

"Because your-... Because of the baby." she said quiet and sharply.

I shook my head and felt my jaw clench. "Im going." I snapped.

"I cant let you." she argued. I turned around to face her, my face blazing hot.

"What are you going to do to stop me? I have to go. This is for Bucky. This is for my team. I can't let them go out there alone." I spat.

"This is about revenge? Maggie, have you even told Steve yet?" her dark eyes narrowed at me, boring into my soul.

I glared back just as much, my chest heaving with each breath. "No. Its none of your business." I hissed.

"If you don't tell him, I will." she warned.

I stood up straighter, fury building in my body. "You wouldn't dare. You made a promise to me. Friends keep their promises." I snapped.

"I am your friend, and thats why I have to keep you here." she said, tears coming to her eyes. "You're not yourself Maggie... Not since Barnes fell... You-you arent thinking clearly. You are becoming cold and harsh. Its like I dont even know you anymore. What would Barnes think of you right now?" she whimpered.

Tears blurred my vision and my hands trembled. "You dont know what its like not to feel whole anymore. You dont understand what its like to lose someone like I lost him. I know Im different, but I think this will help me get back to my old self. Please, Peggy. You must put yourself into my shoes... I promise I will keep myself safe. All I want to do is end this war. Please, Peggy. I need to do this." I sniffled in return. Peggy sniffled, holding back her small tears building up.

"Do you really think this will help? Because I cant watch you go down this dark path anymore." she said calmly.

I nodded. I knew I was different. I was in a dark place. I was grieving. I just wanted the satisfaction of ending this war. I needed to avenge my Bucky. I needed to protect my Team. And Steve. I couldn't just drop out now. Staring at Peggy, I could see the hurt in her eyes. "Im sorry. But this is something I owe to everyone." I choked out. Peggy frowned, looking at me with sorrow, and nodded with acceptance. She knew that no matter what she said or did, I would have to go through with this.

"If it helps... I guess I can't stop you, can I?" she mumbled. I shook my head in response. She took a deep breath and wiped the tears fron her cheeks and straightened her shoulders. "Well. Better get packing." she curtly flashed a small smile and turned on her heel, leaving me alone in the armory.

I felt like screaming. Or throwing some sort of fit. Exactly how different had I become? But I didnt scream and throw a fit. I let myself simmer in the burning embers of my soul. I stayed silent, though my voice pleaded to be heard. I kept my eyes open, though they begged to close so all I could see was a silver veil over the evil world I was in. I stood unmoving, even though my muscles ached to be used, ached to raise a fist at the God I blamed for my feeble, sad little life.

I stayed put as if I where a statue, grand and still. Only crumbling inside, like a hurricane through a village. Footsteps broke me of my internal carnage momentarily as I turned to be greeted by Steve. I looked up at him and smiled.

He stopped beside me and sighed as he looked down at the counter in front of the gunrack. Please tell me that Peggy didn't go and find you just to tell you that I was pregnant. She promised me. I chewed at my lip and acted as if I wasnt suspicious or nervous at all. I found my pistol in the array of firearms and reached up to grap it from the shelf. Steve noticed and snatched it down before I could reach, and passed it over to me.

"Thanks." I said, pressing my lips together in a small smile. He stood without moving anymore amd stared at the counter still. I didnt say anything more, but looked at him with curiousity. What is going on in that head of his? I furrowed my brows at him and watched his thoughts rotate through his head.

"Do you think its gonna work?" he spoke finally, causing me to jump just slightly, being startled by the sudden sound of his voice.

"What, the plan?" My brows knitted together as I asked. He raised his eyes to meet mine and nodded slowly. "Of course it will." I assured with a nod.

Steve paused and his jaw flexed. "I just cant mess this up. It... Its important for so many reasons." He sighed sadly.

I frowned and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I know. Thats why Im going too." I nodded. He and I both knew we were trying to avenge Bucky. But also to put an end to this war. We needed to live up to Dr. Erksine's expectations and save lives. Some times I wondered what the crazy old doctor would think of me now... Or maybe what my real dad would think. I wondered if he would be proud of what I had become. I thought he may be proud of me before Bucky fell... Afterward not so much...

This gave me a chance to redeem myself, however. And Steve knew that. So, he sighed and nodded again, skimming over the weapons to collect his own as I did with mine, eventually the two of us changing into our battle uniforms.

AN: okay Maggie really needs to get her sh*t together. I mean, she's preggo!! What is she thinking?? And poor Peggy :( I hate writing chapters like this, but its necessary for the story.

What do you think will happen next? What would you say to Maggie? What would you do if you were her? SO MANY FEELS.

Maggie is losing her mind, I just hope she finds it soon 😰... Not too much longer left in this story!! Just a few more chapters before we begin book two!! Be prepared y'all!! Keep an eye out for it :) Its called Come Back To Me and will follow the same story line as this one, but jumping forward in time to the winter soldier :P

Xoxo