Oh, My Soldier

17

Christmas that year was amazing. Bucky and I had danced the night away, and I had gotten to spend some quality time with my family. We all had wished that it wasnt our last Christmas with Sara. But it was. Unfortunately, she had passed within that very year and now, Steve and I were attending the funeral. As the church pastor spoke, my mind slipped into my dark memories.

"She-she's gone! Maggie! M-mom is gone!" Steve busted into my room with tears streaming down his cheeks. His eyes were flaming red and his face was scrunched like he had eaten a lemon. I quickly brought myself up to my feet, my heart leaping out of my chest.

"She-" I choked, a lump in my throat building up. "She cant be-" I sputtered, hot salty tears filling my vision, making everything a blur. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears and my knees felt weak. My hands trembled and Steve cried out in front of me. A sob escaped my lips and I raised a hand to cover my mouth as I pushed past Steve, rushing toward Sara's room. As I went by, Steve caught my arm and looked at me, still sobbing.

"No, you dont want to see." he whimpered.

My lip quivered violently and a white hot heat welled up inside my chest. I was going to see her. I ripped my arm from his grip with a sob and bolted down the hallway, leaving Steve by himself in my room as he sobbed. I flung the door wide open and ran to her beside, kneeling down beside her pale, cold, unmoving frame. I held her dead hand and rubbed her knuckles and kissed it as I sobbed, my shoulders shaking with every cry. I squeezed my eyes shut and sobbed. Gut wrenching sobs. Sobs that seemed to shake the entire room. I wailed and clung to the sheets of the bed. I had lost my mother. Maybe she wasnt my mother by blood, and she had only been in my life a shirt time, but I loved her no less. I had no idea what was happening around me because all of my attention was on her. I had no clue, until I felt a pair of arms wrap around me and pull me back. My eyes shot open and I reached out to hold onto Sara, letting out a blood curling scream that burned deep in my throat. "No! Let me go! D-dont touch me! Sto-op!" I wailed, having no idea who it was. I kicked and flailed and did everything I could to escape. I struggled as much as I could manage to no avail.

"Shh! Maggie! Maggie stop it! Its okay! Calm down! Please, baby doll! You have to relax!" Bucky cooed, out of breath from holding onto me.

I let out one last weak sob, going limp in Bucky's arms as sirens began to roar from outside. I became a ragdoll and Bucky kept ahold of me, dragging me out of the room as I sniffled and watched her disappear from view. Bucky brought me back to the couch and sat me down on it and stood at my side. Thats when I saw Steve. He was directly to my side, his face bright red and tears flowing steadily from his eyes. My lip continued to quiver and I reached over, pulling him into a long hug. He wrapped his frail arms around my ribcage and leaned his head on my shoulder while I rested my head on top of his, rubbing circles into his back. I hadnt even noticed that Bucky's lip was trembling as well and he was holding in his sniffles, trying to be strong for Steve and I as the police burst inside with the paramedics.

Steve shifted in his spot beside me in the pew as the pastor spoke. I glanced his way, both of us softly sniffling as tears dripped from our lashes. I wished that Bucky could be here. Unfortunately, he was held up elsewhere with family matters of his own. His mom was out of town and he had to take care of his little sisters. Sadly, he couldnt find a babysitter so he could attend the funeral. He could only get one for after. 

When the funeral had ended, Steve and I walked out side by side. He twirled the apartment keys in his hand as we trudged home, and I kept silent. We were hurting. "Steve, lets not go home yet." I sighed as we went. "Lets go take a walk in the park... Get our mind off of things." I said simply.

Steve sighed, his small frame slouched. "Yeah... I-I guess." he replied. I gave him a soft pat on the back and we turned the corner. "Do you think she got to be with my dad again?" Steve looked up at me with hope.

I gave him a reassuring smile and nodded my head. "Definitely, pal." I answered. He nodded and watched his feet as we walked. "You know, I'm almost glad. She isnt suffering anymore." I shrugged.

"Yeah. She isnt suffering anymore." he agreed sadly. My eyes drooped along with my head and shoulders. There we walked in silence, the busy city life during the day making the only noise. One thing was making my feet feel like cement blocks, and I needed to get it off of my chest... But Steve was already so upset.

"Steve?" I started sadly and nervously.

"Yes?" he looked up to see my face.

A lump formed in my throat. No going back now... "W-what do you think about... Me not.. Living in the apartment anymore?" I squeaked out, afraid it might make him even more upset.

His brows furrowed quizzically. He looked so concentrated and he pressed his lips into a firm line as the gears in his head turned. He opened his mouth to speak, but quickly shut it as he thought. I swallowed nervously, and finally, he answered. "I actually might enjoy a bit of my own space." he shrugged. He glanced at me a smirked apologetically. "No offense. I love you, youre my sister, but... It sounds pleasing to be alone almost." he finished.

I smirked sadly. "Bucky is looking for a place of his own... He asked if I wanted to come with him... But in the meantime, he offered to have me stay with him and his family." I explained. "I dont know if I can stay in the apartment much longer. Theres too many memories of her. It hurts." I said, staring at my fidgeting hands.

Steve lightly punched my shoulder and I looked up to see him. "Dont worry about it. I think it will be good for the two of you. Seeing as I dont particularly want to leave the apartment and you do, it works out just fine." he shrugged.

"Thanks pal." I said. It was then that I remembered Bucky was planning on meeting up with us after the funeral and was probably wondering where we were. "We should head home." I suggested.

Steve shrugged. "Sure." he said.

---

"I looked for you after. I wanted to give you two a ride home from the church." Bucky said, following us up to the porch. He had been waiting outside for us for nearly an hour.

"We kinda wanted to be alone for a bit." I spoke quietly, our spirits still low.

"How was it?" he asked, referring to the funeral.

Steve shrugged. "It was okay... She's with dad." he answered. Steve dug around in his pocket for the key as we all stood near the door.

"I was going to ask-" Bucky began to say before he got cut off.

"I know what you're going to say, Buck." Steve interrupted. Bucky sighed.

"We could put the couch cushions on the floor. It would be fun!" Bucky pleaded. "All you have to do is shine my shoes.. Maybe take out the trash." he lightly laughed. "Come on." he said.

"Please Steve? Just for a little while? Until you feel a little better." I added, not wanting to leave my little brother alone after all of this.

Steve pulled the key out of his pocket and sighed, looking up to Bucky who was beside me. "Thanks you two. But I can get by on my own." he insisted.

Bucky put a hand on his shoulder and leaned down so he was eye level. "Thing is... You dont have to. We are with you till the end of the line, pal." Bucky said with a sad smile. Steve nodded and swallowed slowly.

"I know." Steve said. "But Im going to." he said with a reassuring nod. I sighed and he turned to the door, inserting the key and unlocking it. The door swung open and I struggled to keep it together as we entered in single file. Steve went straight to his room without a word, and I figured I could go start packing with Bucky's help. I held his hand as we paced down the hallway. I avoided looking over to Sara's room, and I lead Bucky into mine. We grabbed a few bags from the last time I packed my things and began stuffing what we could into them. I picked up my locket that Bucky gave me and clipped it on, making sure that my hair wasnt stuck in the chain and pulled the bags up over my shoulders as Bucky did the same. Everything was changing, and everything would be different. I was preparing myself for anything. And hopefully soon, I could get a job.