Do I Wanna Know

Chapter 5

“I’m giving special courses at my old high school and it is so rewarding to see the effects you can have on these kids, you know? I remember vividly going to school and it was a nightmare. If I can make someone’s day by just sitting with them and teaching them how to play a few notes on a keyboard, then I’m sold. It’s…incredible the way you can actually connect with people through music. Whenever I have time I work at the University of Miami Hospital if they need me but it’s mostly project related because I’m currently trying to set up my own charity.”

My eyes were focusing her and I felt my inner turmoil growing because I almost felt paralyzed by her. Her words did something to me I couldn’t explain. I felt like I was at the verge of crying but had no idea why. My heart felt so swollen I was actually getting scared it would genuinely pop out of my chest. I remembered looking at her like this whenever I felt proud but not in that dimension. More like little things; when she nailed her solos during our performances or when she answered a question so eloquently the interviewer was surprised by how smart she was. Those were the moments I recalled having that same feeling I was having now. Just not in that capacity.

I wasn’t able to answer before Josh, a sound guy I had hooked up with once, asked if I could make him another drink. First I wanted to protest and tell him to make one himself but I didn’t want to be rude in front of Camila. Maybe I would need a second anyway to calm down. The two other girls in the group excused themselves for a smoke outside, leaving Camila, Josh and I. I decided to make him that stupid drink and left the two of them, making my way to the kitchen. There was no more whiskey and I sighed.

The other cabinet was closer to Camila and Josh but they couldn’t see me since I was on the other side of the wall. But I was able to hear their conversation and almost dropped the bottle of whiskey when I heard Josh speak up.

“I’m think I’m gonna hit that later”, he said smugly and I felt my cheeks burning with embarrassment and fury at the same time because I knew he was talking about me. That little motherf…

“Oh, really?”, I heard Camila answer and detected a certain anger in her voice that made me stop from breaking up their conversation.

“It depends on her mood, I guess. You know her, I mean…it has to be her way or the highway. She’s hot, I get it but she’s also pretty selfish and self-involved.”

“I’m not sure we’re talking about the same person here”, Camilas soft voice replied, making my heart flutter lightly.

“Oh, come on! You’ve been with her for years. We all know she’s the reason the group split up. Her ego was too big and she wanted to go solo.”

“You don’t know shit”, her voice changed in a firmer tone and my eyes flew open as I silently continued eavesdropping. “I honestly don’t know why Lauren has given you the privilege of her friendship but you should cherish it. The Lauren I know, is the best friend anyone could hope for. Once you’re her friend, she’s your friend for life; unconditionally. No matter how many times and how deeply you hurt her. So I’m asking you nicely to refrain from talking about things you obviously have no idea about. She was never the reason why the group split. That’s a myth that couldn’t be further away from the truth. But she took the blame for it and never talked badly about any of us when she had every right and opportunity to do so because we were the ones to blame. That does not sound like something a selfish, self-involved narcissist would do, does it Josh?”

My grip on the whiskey bottle had become so strong my knuckles whitened. Never before had I heard Camila talk so fiercely and put someone in their place in the way she just did. That used to be my role in the group. Hearing her stand up for me and saying all these things my mind couldn’t even process completely, was almost too much to handle. I just wanted to run over to her and tell her how much I’d missed her.