The Stretch Mark Club

Chapter 10: Beautiful, Inside and Out

I swallowed hard. Was I brave enough to bare it all in a room full of strangers? I looked around. At first, all I saw was perfectly toned bodies straight off the pages of a Victoria's Secret catalogue. But when I looked closer, I noticed not every body was perfect. Some women were older than me, some heavier, yet every one of them had embraced their figures, imperfections and all.

I stood up shakily. My heart pounded and my fingers fumbled as I loosened my belt inch by inch. Riley looked me in the eyes and nodded in encouragement. My robe fell open and though her eyes never wavered, I felt her scan me in her peripheral vision. She smiled her approval. I turned to the room waiting for everyone to either scorn me or burst into spontaneous applause, but mostly, they were just enjoying themselves, oblivious to my life-changing accomplishment. I sat back down, smiling, my pride tingling on my skin.

Jasmine continued to wave her hand in front of her face. Riley looked at me with a glint in her eye, and I smiled. We leaned in on either side of her and whispered, in unison, "Do it, do it, do it." Jasmine blushed and waved us away but we didn't give up. We chanted until finally, she rolled her eyes and slipped her robe of her shoulders. 

***

 When I opened my front door the next day, I stepped back in surprise.

"Mom," I said.

"Hi," she said simply. Her hair was a few inches shorter, and she had lighter streaks in her usually dark bob. Her nails were bright red with freshly applied polish. She'd been at the salon all day.

"Do you want to come in?" I asked.

She stepped around me without a word. The cool autumn air trailed in behind her, and I closed it off with the door. My mom stood in the corner of the living room, her hands folded at her waist, silent. She wouldn't look directly at me.

"Would you like something to drink?" I asked. She shook her head. I opened my mouth to offer her some other pleasantry, but she spoke before I could.

"I didn't come to apologize," she said, like she was forcing herself to say it before she lost her nerve, and any hope I had of making a breakthrough disappeared.

"Okay. Then why are you here?"

She took a deep breath. I'd never seen her like this before and honestly, it made me nervous. She squeezed her eyes shut like she might cry, and I took a step toward her.

"No," she said and held out her hand. I stopped. I furrowed my brow when she untucked her lacy, white shirt from her rose colored skirt. She looked up at me hesitantly, and then stared into my eyes as she slowly lifted her blouse. My mind screamed out at me to stop her, but my mouth was too numb to say a word.

When her stomach came into view, I sucked in a breath, and my hand flew to my mouth. She continued to pull up her top until it was at her bra line, while a tear trailed down her cheek.

"Oh, mom," I said.

She brought a hand down to run her fingers across the thick, dark lines on her stomach. Tears filled her eyes. "I've been so hard on you," she said. "It's just...I didn't want this for you." 

It didn't make up for all the things she had said, but, somehow, I understood. My mom had spent her entire postpartum life trying to feel beautiful again--something I now knew too well. Tears blurred my vision, and in that instant, I forgot everything we'd argued about. I ran to her and wrapped my arms around her, burying my face in her perfectly highlighted hair.

"I'm sorry," she cried. "I'm so sorry."

***

We decided to throw Jasmine an "I quit my job" party. We went all out. Everett and I rented a small party space, and Riley decorated it streamers and balloons. She even got a mat for the babies to play on. It was all very over-the-top.