Laced Lies

Lie 9-I Forgot About You

She sighed, putting down the photo gently.

The way Emmarie looked at the photo...it was so mournful.

"I never forgot about you," she admitted.

"I forgot you. I was over you," I said but regretted it.

Because that was a lie. I never forgot about Emmarie or the trip to Disneyland.

Except, she stayed quiet.

"Did you love him?" I asked, but as I asked her, the question was more for me.

She shook her head, "No. It wasn't like that. It was a...a...joke actually."

She laughed without humor as she delved into an explanation.

"I'm not sure if you know, but he's gay-" she paused, but I gave no insight to new knowledge. "And he wanted to practice having sex with someone before he did it with some guy from school."

I rose my eyebrow. Was she serious?

"So, he did it with you?" I asked, shocked.

I was disgusted to hear about my best friend and my brother. Nothing seemed real anymore.

"Yeah, it was an experiment. He had known me for years, I was neutral ground. It was fine. I mean, we did it, he learned lessons. He said he loved me, I told him I didn't."

There was a longing sorrow in her eyes as if she regretted what she said.

Love?

Love has caused too much pain in our family, in my life.

As I looked at Emmarie, I realized I had never confronted her with the dangerous topic. I don't remember her ever saying the 'L' word aloud.

"He wasn't the father...right...?'"

She shook her head, "No. Numbers didn't add up."

Then, she asked me the dreaded question, "Did you love him?"

"Yes." that was all I can say. But the harsh words I said to him flickered in my head, the little flame become a blazing fire.

As my mind was on fire, my body was tensing.

Emmarie was slack, leaning into the bean bag. Her green eyes glimmered with long lost memories and forgotten promises.

She was hurt. She was in pain.

I hated it.

Swiftly, I shifted my weight toward her, gently leaning my head on her shoulder.

We didn't speak.

For a while at least.

"If I told him I loved him, would he still be alive?" she asked into the silence.

I had thought that same thing, but I didn't want to admit my last words to Edward. I let it go.

"Emmarie," I mumbled, my eyes still shut, "I missed you."

She shrugged me from her shoulder, causing me to bolt up.

I looked at her. Or, I looked through her.

"There was one thing Edward, and I agreed on. It was that we both loved you."

My breath hitched, did she just say...love? Love?

While her face looked sullen, I noticed how beautiful she was.

"I love you, too," I snuggled into her side.

"No!" she exclaimed, pushing me away.

There was a panic in her voice. A dead serious panic that triggered distress.

"What?"

"Except, I love you in a different way. I love you, Victoria. Like I want to screw you and date you and-"

Love?

What does love mean?

Does it exist?

How can it destroy you in a minute?

Why is it a lethal weapon?

Love is a weapon.

Did I love Emmarie?

Was she capable of love?

"Stop," I demanded, pushing away from her. It was a coincidence she was saying this now.

"You don't love me," I insisted, "you loved Edward."

She shook her head, flustered, "I love you."

The flame in my head blazed wild. I thought over all the times I broke people's heart. All the people I forgot. I thought about how I said I loved Hayden. How Edward loved Hayden. How my mom hates me. How I love her. How my dad hates my mom. How my brother and Emmarie hooked up. How I said, I hated Edward. How he loved me. How she loves me. How she loves him.

And, how I love no one.

Her eyes were round diamonds gathering and betraying all the light in the room

A certain sadness and longing for hope in them.

I looked straight at her. Anguish and bellgerence in my eyes.

"F*ck love."

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