Another High School Romance

Afraid to Love

9:37 am

Heather carefully folded her clothes one by one and stacked them into her red leather suitcase.

"Are you sure you wanna go home?" asked Jules as she shifted to her side on the hospital bed.

"I'll be fine. A nurse will be moving in with us. And I have Jason.Besides, my well being shouldn't exactly be your main priority right now." responded Heather, placing another shirt into her suitcase.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jules sat up. "Your well being is always a priority to me."

Heather sighed as she moved her suitcase to the side and sat on the bed next to Jules staring her dead in the eyes. "You love him, don't you?"

Jules looked away uncomfortably and sat criss-crossed on the bed.

"Who?"

"Stop that, Jules."

"Stop what?"

Heather took Jules' hands in her own forcefully making her look at her again."You don't have to be afraid anymore, okay? No one's gonna leave you again."

Jules stared at their hands for a few seconds before pulling away.

"I'm not afraid."

"Yes you are. You're afraid of loving people. You're also afraid to care about people because you're even more scared of the possibility that someday you'll lose them."

 Jules found herself stuttering for words.

"I'm not afraid, Heather. How many times do I have to repeat myself?"

Jules toyed with her fingers as she tried to shift her gaze to the ground. She was shaking now and she couldn't stay still.

"Why can't you just admit that you're afraid?" Heather persisted.

The tension in the room was so thick by now; Jules' body pulsed as she failed to keep back her tears and she started to yell uncontrollably.

"Fine!I'm afraid, Heather! Is that what you wanted to hear?! I'm afraid someday I will love someone so much that when I lose them it's going to happen all over again! I'm going to go completely ballistic and try to kill myself and end up in a shitty hospital on life support because I wasn't strong enough to protect my heart! It's the same damn cycle over and over and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of losing people I love, okay?! My dad is gone, my baby brother is gone, Heather!"

Jules buried her face in her hands as the tears continued to flow down her cheeks and Heather felt her own tears escape. Her best friend was completely broken into a million pieces.

"You can't keep blaming yourself for what happened, Jules."

Jules sobbed and shook her head. "It was supposed to be me! Why couldn't it have just been me?!"

Through her tears she could see her little brother, Zach. He was running across the soccer field in his orange jersey and black cleats scorin ga goal. The sun was setting behind him and glistening as he ran with a smile and disgusting sweaty brown locks.

She was supposed to pick him up after practice. Not dad. She was supposed to be in the car with her brother jamming out to Aerosmith. They weren't supposed to get hit by that semi at 5:43. They weren't supposed to die. They weren't supposed to leave her. But they did. And there was nothing she could do to change that.

Heather held her friend close to her chest and they both sobbed into each other's shoulders.

"What happened to them was not your fault, Jules."

"I lost them. I lose everyone that I love."

"You won't lose me..."

Jules looked into her best friend's eyes and blinked back her burning tears. "How do you and Jase do it? Knowing that you might lose each other any day now?"

Heather looked out of her window into the fall-weathered day. "We just do it, Jules. It's not about trying to fit all of our dreams into the short amount of time that we have left; it's about waking up every morning knowing that I have another day being able to love my best friend."

Jules sighed and forced a beautiful smile laying her head down onto Heather's shoulder. "Well I wouldn't exactly call Bran and I best friends but-"

"Oh hell no. Not at all. You've both hated each other since sophomore year when Jase and I started dating."

"Despised each other, yes."

The two girls laughed and closed their eyes trying to soak in the moment they were having together.

"Promiseme you'll consider trying to love the guy. Because he's definitelyconsidering trying to love you" said Heather lifting her eyebrows.

Julestook Heath's soft warm hand into hers. "Promise granted, you jerk."

"Besides...Shanport still needs to be shocked when they find out the hateful couple who don't really hate each other were actually "fake dating"when they really weren't-"

"OKAY, we get it." laughed Jules getting off of the bed and zipping up Heather's suitcase.

"Homecoming game is in two weeks by the way, and I plan to be there when the announcement of this twisted complicated love prank happens."

"Not too sure I even want to do this stupid prank anymore. It just seems silly compared to everything that's going on with you and Brandon right now."

Heather rolled her eyes and stood up off the bed with her hand on her back."Chicken."

"Will you stop-"

"Scaredy-cat."

"Oh my god, Heather."

"Finish the stupid prank. Don't back out now. I need my best friends to graduate high school having pulled off the best joke that Shanport has seen."