Dear...whomever...

Alexithymia at its Strongest.

So....
My therapists and my mom dropped a bomb on me...
But....
I didn't know what to feel....
It was like.....I was shred up on the inside....but totally calm on the outside.
I just got really quiet.....
And then I started crying...without making sound....
What the hell Alexithymia....
I don't even know what I'm feeling...
I'm just so numb....
I knew he'd get away with it....
He's a liar....
He knows what happened....he even confessed to me...but no! Lie lie lie to the officers.
I don't know what I expected.
What the fuck did I expect?!
*screams into a pillow*
God damnit!

I won't.
I won't fall back.
No matter how good I think it'd feel....
No matter how good I know it'd make me feel....

~️Painfully Numb.