Indefinite Love

Chapter 12

It's been four hours of silence.

The whole family is stubborn.

I've been feeding the kids and changing their diapers on and off.

I'm calm. I've accepted my past. I understand everything that happens, and for once in my life, it makes sense.

I'm very sleepy. I've been sleeping terribly for the past few months. I've been lonely.

I want to lay against Noah, but I know if I do, I'll feel like I'm wrapped in a warm, homey blanket, and I'll fall asleep.

"We should've let you do what you wanted with Brecklyn." My Grandmother finally says.

Mom looks at her.

"I mean, you were young, yes, but we didn't want what was best. None of us did. You were children, trying to do what was best with a baby. Everything would've been right if we just...trusted you with your child." Nana says. Dad looks at his mother.

Nobody moves.

"I'm sorry." Grandma whispers. "For everything. To all of you. We were fighting so hard trying to keep the family going, that we ripped it apart in the process."

"You guys were..." Mom trails off. She's looking down at her hands. "You were everything. When that kid, Kyle, broke up with me in sixth grade, I wasn't even allowed to have a boyfriend. You didn't freak out. You let me stress bake and made fun of him with me. When Luca came to the door and Dad greeted him with a shotgun..." Mom laughs. "I missed that. I wanted my kids, both of them, to have parents like that. It's not fair. If we were smarter, we could've had Brecklyn later. It would've been right."

Dad hesitates.

"I wouldn't change anything."

Everyone looks at him, shocked.

"What?" Mom asks.

She almost sounds angry.

He shrugs.

"I don't want a younger Brecklyn. I want this Brecklyn." He says. "I mean, yes, we went about it all wrong, but if we raised her, she never would've found her way to baseball. She wouldn't have come this far. She's a trooper. I wouldn't change anything. We wouldn't have our grandbabies, our son in law...we wouldn't have any of this. So yes, I regret leaving her on the street, but...everything we did, everything she's been through, it made her who she is."

Everyone looks at me, expecting me to blow up.

I don't.

I take a deep breath.

"I wouldn't change anything either." I whisper. "One second difference could change everything. It could be a brother instead of a sister, or a daughter instead of a son. It could mean getting away from those police officers and never getting arrested, which means I never would've changed. I would probably still be stealing to this day. If I was born even four hours earlier, those four hours could mean I showed up to that party at Noah's on time. Everything would be different. I could've ended up with...Ross."

Ross and Noah start laughing. I laugh softly, leaning my head against Noah.

"I hate the way it happened." I sigh. "But I wouldn't change the life I have now for anything."

"I'm sorry." Mom says. "For everything. "I'm sorry for lying to my daughters, for ditching my family, not being there for my sister...everything. I'm sorry."

Mom walks over to Grandma and hugs her, and then hugs Grandpa, and my Aunt Christina.

She hugs everyone, and then finally, she comes to me.