His For A Price |z.h|

15

He drew a deep breath. "And today I heard you comforting a sick child with the same melody. And for a moment I could not believe it," he paused. "Why were you there in the garden that night?" 

Niall looked down at the floor. "I was babysitting for a couple I had met." He found a resolute smile from somewhere. "And I really liked taking care of Freddie, so I've decided I shall train to look after children professionally one day. 

One day when I'm back in England, and need to find a life for myself - a life that you are no longer a part of . When other people's children may be all I can hope for...

The taller man was frowning. "Is that why you told Josh that you were Shanaya's nanny?" 

"I had to think of some reason for being here," his pale cheeks flushed a little. "After all I could hardly say that I was your mistress." 

"No," Zayn replied, his mouth twisting. "Perhaps, for the time being, the fiction that you are Shanaya's nursemaid will serve us better." 

And maybe, the blonde whispered silently, for the sake of my aching heart, it might be better - easier - if fiction becomes fact. If I become your employee instead of your pillow friend from now on - until you send me away. 

As they walked along the passage towards the small private room where Shanaya was installed, Dr. Devine was coming to meet them. 

"Your daughter is awake, Mr. Malik." He turned a kindly smile on Niall. "And once again demanding you, Mr. Horan." 

Niall halted. He said quietly. "I think she should spend some time alone with her father now." He indicated her coffee stained skirt. "Maybe I could go somewhere and clean my dress?" 

"But of course. It will be a pleasure."  He signaled to a female orderly, and Niall was whisked off to a gleaming washroom and supplied with a sponge and towels for a strictly rudimentary rescue job. 

But what did a ruined dress matter? Niall asked himself bleakly, surveying his reflection in the mirror, when it was his life that was about to fall apart? 

Yes, Zayn was grateful to him , but he did not want him to turn to him in gratitude, because his intervention had restored his child to him. Niall needed far more from him than that. 

Now, when it was too late, he wanted the tender, passionate lover whom he'd so signally rejected so many times. Wanted to offer him again all the warmth and the ardent, generous  desire Zayn had kindled in him.And to prove to him, beyond all doubt, that his gift to him came from the heart, and without strings. 

I love him, Niall thought painfully, and I always will, but I can't stay with him, longing all the time for something he can never give. Knowing I have nothing to hope for except his transient desire. And even that will end. 

But now the circumstances have changed.  He has a daughter to love, who will adore him in return. And one day he'll remarry, this time to a girl who will love him and give Shanaya brothers and sisters. And then that barren house will come alive again at last. 

At which time, please God, I shall be far away. 

When he finally emerged from the washroom, he turned initially to go back to the waiting room, then after a moment's hesitation made his way quietly along the passage to the ward. 

The door was open and he could see Zayn kneeling beside the bed, Shanaya's small hand clasped in his, and his head was bent as if he was crying - or praying. 

Whichever it was, Niall thought, his heart twisting as tears stung his eyes, his presence would only be an intrusion. And he stole silently away.