Dark of All Days

I once got out of bed. Wandering into a forest I picked up a sword, small and abandoned. It shined an iridescent hue as color flowed from my fingertips. The bushes grew dense so I cut away like a dancing lumberjack, the moon lit the world like a silver sun as the stars showed me the way. I had found mine and grasped it in hand, following its tugs on my heart as light filled the unseen world.
~~~
I once got out of bed. I went to my forest, comfortable and familiar by then. I picked up my sword. My fingertips didn't release any color, but my blade continued to shine for me. I let it trail behind me as I walked the familiar trail. It snaked through the cracks in my rock-paved trail, showing the dirt beneath in a tortoiseshell pattern. No branches or brambles caught me, having been trimmed and tamed to a neat perfection. The trail was short, most of my time spent trimming and tending in case anyone else should come to see. While I got some satisfaction from it, as I reached the end I couldn't help but realize that it was so small. The moon was hiding behind some clouds, but my stars glowed brighter than ever as I hacked through a new tangle of thorns. In my eagerness I was stung, but I had more room. I hadn't realized how suffocating my previous space had been until I got a taste of space, a taste of stars and fresh earth and wild darkness. I needed room to grow.
~~~
I once got out of bed. I was at the forest before I realized it. The sword I didn't remember picking up was dull and rusted, but enough to eventually hack down trees if I had to. The rock path was shattered, leaving only dirt to cling to my feet and legs. I couldn't count the trailing lines in the dirt if I tried. A few branches tugged at me, but I brushed them aside. They weren't unmanageable yet. I trekked through the winding path - my stars too fickle to lead me straight anymore - and almost collapsed at the end. My legs shook, body covered in dust and dirt and scratches. I choked a sob with a sigh as I picked myself up, reminding myself once more that there had to be something. I hadn't found it, but it was there. Further, just a little further. I nicked myself on the blade as I tried to tear a vine. There is no moon.
~~~
I once got out of bed. The path was winding and long; I wasn't sure how day didn't break by the time I always reached my old roadblock. My stars had long since flickered away. The red moon threw shadows everywhere, watching me, tailing me, tearing me. I was littered with scratches barely visible under the cake of dirt. The days, the weeks, the months, the years before, none of it had washed off. Nothing grew in my mound of dirt and blood. It just weighed me down. My legs ached, my back ached, my arms ached, and my head ached. It was so familiar it was barely a vague notion in my head. I reached my roadblock and drew my reddened blade with a sigh, staring up at the mass in the darkness. Sometimes it looked full of teeth, others all claws, featureless, overly detailed, toxic, bloody, clean, clear, unseeable...
It was always the same beast, but it had many faces. I went for a stab.
I died instantly.
~~~
I once got out of bed. The path and pain didn't register as anything but normal. The snarling mass stared down at me with eyes like the moon: red and running with blood.
I swung upwards.
I died instantly.
~~~
I got out of bed. I swung, aiming for the oozing heart. It ate me like acid. I died slowly.
~~~
I got out. I stabbed. I died.
~~~
Up. Swung. Died. Up. Swung. Died. Up. Swung. Died. Up. Swung. Died.
Left, right, up, down, stab, swing, slice, dice, charge, sneak, challenge, creep, didn't matter.
I died.
I died.
I died.
I died.
I died.
I died.
It doesn't get easier.
~~~
I get out of bed. The path is worn and winding and long. Thorns bite and snatch my bared legs and arms and face before the monster is even in sight! I let out a shriek and try to hack them away. My sword is too small! Too short! Too blunt! It barely moves them. I want to scream, but there's no point in getting too the bad part early! Keep on schedule. All on schedule. It's all normal. It won't stay it though! Tonight I'll do it. I know I will. I'll do it. This'll be the one. It WILL! I don't care how big it is, I'll KILL it! Then everything will be mine. I'll get what I deserve. I have to! Why else would that monster be there? My suffering, my work... it can't be meaningless. I'll win. I'll win and everything will be perfect. The path will be paved in gold again and the flowers will bloom all over! My moon will outshine the sun and the stars will beg for me! Right? They will. They have to, so they will. My work will pay off. After everything, there'll be my reward. There is. It's waiting for me, calling for me. I'll get it. I'll be loved, I'll be confident and strong and everyone will love me! It will all bow to me! I'll be happy.
My feet travel the path almost without input. Tonight is the night. The moon runs dull red through the pitch black, through the shadows that have swallowed everything. The shadows have swallowed my world, but I'll have it back. It has to come back.
Please... I don't care if it's small again. Give my world back. Please...
I get to the end too quickly and stare up into the beast. It's nothingness amongst the darkness, swirling and hungry. It waits for me like a loyal demon. As if there is such a thing. Still it waits. Mocking.
I swing.
I swing hard. Harder than I thought I could. Harder than I can. Something snaps. Primal screaming echoes through the air as I throw myself into the darkness. It cuts deep, I cut deeper. Deeper, darker, red and black and screaming into silence. I'm winning. I have to be!
Why else would it hurt so much?
I scream as I tear. Masses of red fly around me. My brain goes into a red void. Deeper. Darker. Nothingness. I'm floating away as I dance in place! It hurts. It hurts it hurts it hurts IT HURTS! Give it back! Give it all back! Give me my world and my love and health and happiness. It's MINE! GIVE IT TO ME!
I swing and rip air. My lungs hurt. I'm dirty. I'm bloody. It's dark, only lit by after images of grinning faces of sharp laughing teeth. My heart is a war drum. Screaming. Louder. Sharper! Pain pain pain pain!
Please stop, you're killing me.
I thrust my blade and it bounces off. With a screech I swing again.
It breaks.
I stare at the shattered edges of my loyal weapon. All these years...
I hurl it away. Who needs the stupid thing?! I don't! I don't need anything! I stomp the broken, rusted pieces under my feet into the unforgiving ground. I turn back around to face the beast and my feet meet air. I bite and claw blindly like a maddened animal, howling. Sobbing. Let me through! Let me go back to how it once was!
... please.
The world fades out not with a bang but with a whimper as my lungs close and fill with blood, body limp and too tired to continue. I die slowly.
~~~
I get out of my bed... reluctantly. It's dark. It's always too dark to see these days... nights. I know where my path is, but I couldn't see another if I wanted to. There's no moon in the sky tonight. It's a new moon.
With a sigh I go to my old beaten path. There's no sword waiting for me. It's gone. It's gone forever. My only tool is gone. I'm alone and defenseless.
Looking into the nothingness, I wonder if it's worth it. I've done this for years and it just gets worse. Isn't it better to keep to devil you know? I don't know what else is out there. Maybe I got the easy one. I can't turn back. I've worked too long, too hard... for what? Something that doesn't exist anymore? Things change. But still... I know this. It's familiar. It's mine. I can't lose forever.
But is all this pain worth it?
...
I turn around, leaving my forest. Maybe not for good, but for now. I pace around until I find a stick. With it in hand, I start drawing lines in the dust and wander off into the unseen.