Moods

10/04/16

Dear Wattpad,

Today, today I feel ugly, unloved, useless, and sad. I know comparing myself to others isn't a good thing, but I look around at other girls and think to myself "Why would a guy want me, 'plain Jane' when he could have a Barbie?" Believe me when I tell you, feeling this way isn't something I am proud of, in fact, I'm embarrassed by it. But honestly, it's all I know. The people around me, family included make me feel this way. They walk around saying how beautiful this person is, how pretty another is, yet I'm me, 'plain Jane'. I've never been what would be described as 'curvy', I've been skinny my while life. I have been out of high school for almost six years, yet I can still fit my uniform. I don't know why, but in my eyes I'll never be 'good enough' for a guy to want me. If a guy even shows she any interest at all I think he's lying, I think he's playing, I think he's trying to get a laugh from his friends, I just don't believe it.

Unloved? That's a perpetual state of mind for me. I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough. I make dinner for the family, I'm told I should've made lunch as well. I ask for help, I get ignored. I ask for someone to talk to, they mock me. Sometimes I want to disappear, runaway. Most of the time I don't even know why I'm alive. I see no point to my life. Other times I remember I want to be a Pre-K teacher and I'm happy, but a majority of the time, it's the first option.

Sad and usless? Always! Why? The first two answer that question.