A Season of Firsts

Chapter 17 - Vandalism

It occurs to me that maybe I resent him a little for that now.

Jesus, help me to forgive as many times as I need to, the way You forgive me constantly.

I take a deep breath and let it go. I will forgive him, even if it's not seven times but seventy-seven. Because of the grace my God has for me, I will learn from Him how to love like Him.

Thank you, Lord. For giving me strength. For forgiving me.

I may not be able to have coffee with Daniel today, but I can take a rain check on that, surely. This could be the start of everything falling back into place, if we can just talk it over sometime and if I can convince him that things don't have to be the way they are.

Me: Can't today, sorry. Another time?

I only realize I was holding my breath for his reply when my phone pings again.

Daniel: Whatever.

Whatever?
I'm surprised to feel tears pricking my eyes. He doesn't care.

Did I just lose my chance to prove that I do?

~ ~ ~

DANIEL

I don't know what made me message Cleo. I know I got my hopes up, though, and her reply was a low blow. She doesn't want to see me or be with me, that much is plain. I had a hunch that was true before, but it's been confirmed now.

She's probably with Aiden...

No. Shut up. What does it matter?

I just wanted to apologize properly for the other day. Maybe I don't need to, though, if she can't stand to be around me for just a little bit while I do. I should just push the whole thing out of my mind and forget about it.

I sit up and swing my legs over the side of the bed and start putting on my shoes. I need to get out of here. Out of my mom's dusty old apartment. Out of my small, cramped room where the only furnishings are a bed, a closet and a chair.
Mom is working late. She usually does. Sometimes she only gets home at about one in the morning. I know because I hear her padding in through the thin walls, even when she's trying to be quiet so that I won't wake up. She doesn't know that I'm normally awake anyway. Then she pours herself some wine, takes of her shoes and switches the TV on. Often I find her sleeping on the couch early the next morning, and I have to gently shake her awake so she won't be late for work.

I stand, and stare at myself in the mirror on the wall for a moment. My nose is still faintly purple from Aiden's punch and the split in my bottom lip refuses to heal. Probably because I bite my lip without even realizing it.
Turning away abruptly, I open the closet and grab my paint off the shelf. Stuffing the cans into my backpack, I tug my hood on and slam my bedroom door behind me.

In Boston, Massachusetts when I was staying with my dad, it was easy to get away with graffiti. All the kids I hung with did it. In dark alleys, behind old diners. Wherever.
Here, in a small place like Stowe, it's going to be more difficult to not be seen. And vandalism is taken more seriously, too.

No matter. I'll be fine. Besides, I know I have to do this. It's the only other thing that gives me that feeling of escape, other than beating another kid up. Which I can't do, unless I want to get expelled a third time.

After leaving the block of apartments, I don't even notice that I am walking to Cleo's house until I'm almost there. It's like I never left, or like I have a map imprinted in my mind. My feet know the way there.

There's no one around the neighbourhood, the night air is dead with silence. I stand behind the two story house and look at my watch. It's almost midnight. Mom might be home soon, so I better hurry up and do this. I have to get home before she does so that I don't have to explain.
Taking a few steps back, I take the red and yellow paint cans out of my bag and start spraying.

When I'm done, I stand and look at it for a little while. I grin slightly in satisfaction as I take in the display of glowing colours. She will know it was me, of that I'm sure. I've created something that only observant Cleo would recognize as my work. And I'm just as sure that she won't tell. She still believes in all that 'turn the other cheek' nonsense.
My smile fades. Turn the other cheek and you'll walk away with a bloodied face, while the other kid leaves victorious. I've been in enough brawls to know that. But Cleo is so naïve and believing and gullible. The way I used to be.

Now I'm done with that stuff. God wants me to turn the other cheek? Well, where was God when my parents got divorced and I was so confused? When I was framed for something I didn't do the first time I got expelled? When dad told me he was diagnosed with terminal cancer and only has two years at most to live? And then after that, when I got expelled again and he told me he doesn't need me in his life right now?

Where was Cleo's big, mighty God in all of that?

I need to be in my dad's life right now. I'm the only person he's told about the cancer, and I want to be there with him. But I screwed up.

A memory comes to me as I start walking home. Me, on my bed, crying. My head in my hands. Cleo, sitting next to me, her soft arm stretched to wrap around the width of my shaking shoulders.

"It's okay," she's whispering. "God has a plan. You'll see."

A car honking brings me back to the present. The driver yells out of his window at me. I start running without looking back.

I almost believed Cleo back then, when she said everything would be okay. I prayed every day that God would change my parents' minds, that we'd be a happy family together once more.

But He didn't, and I stopped praying.

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Author's note: And...chapter seventeen is finished. Hope you liked it. I, however, didn't feel too good about this chapter. If you can give me any advice, I'd appreciate it. I really want to know your true thoughts. :)

Also, here's something random. I love names and their meanings, and I have so much fun naming my characters. I thought you might enjoy the meanings for the names of the characters in this story, so I've put them below. Tell me what you think!

Aiden name meaning: Fire. (Celtic meaning) Do you think it fits well with his character or not?

Emma name meaning: Whole; complete. (English meaning) Which is a little ironic, 'cause she's a bit broken inside...

Cleopatra (Cleo) name meaning: Her father's fame; glory of her father. (Greek meaning) I like to think this name suits her, because she desires to bring glory to her heavenly Father.

Daniel name meaning: God is my judge. (Hebrew meaning) I just love the meaning and sound of this name.

Blaze name meaning: Lisp, stutter. (French meaning) Just thought I'd throw this one in as well.