Shepherd Of Fire

(Chapter 6)

"I've been having a lot of weird dreams, Cruven." I explained. Cruven and I were sitting in the kitchen table. Gianna and Matt were still out.

"What are they about?" he asked.

"They're mostly about one man. I think he and I had a relationship before I ended up here. But the thing is, I can never see his face."

"What do you mean?"

"His face is always blurred or blocked completely." I explained.

"Have you told Matt about this?" he asked.

"Yes, but I try not to. You see, the thing is that he always seems mad and bothered when I talk to him about my dreams."

"Have you asked him why?"

"No." I said. I sighed. "Cruven, I had another dream last night. This one was different, though."

"How so?"

"There was...another man. I could see and remember his face this time."

"Are you sure it wasn't just the same man?"

"I'm positive. Like I said, he was different. You see, the other man...it was as if we were a couple. In my dreams, I saw that we were in love. It was easy to tell. But this new man...he seems more like a friend and a suitor. It seemed as if he liked me a lot but I only liked him as a friend."

"I'm back." I heard a deep and familiar voice say from behind me.

My eyes widened and I turned around to see Matt. He was alone.

"Where's, uh, Gianna?"

He walked up to the table and looked down at me.

"I dropped her off at her house." he said.

"Oh."

"You guys should get going before it gets too dark." Cruven said.

"We should." Matt said and looked at me.

I stood up and pushed in the chair. "It was nice seeing you Cruven." I said and smiled at him.

He smiled back and nodded. "Don't make yourself scarce."

"We won't." Matt said and we headed home.

---

I hummed to a random tune as I took off my boots. It was late and I was ready to go to bed.

The door creaked open and Matt walked in. I looked up at him and smiled.

"Hey." I said cheerfully. I was in a good mood and now that Matt was here, my mood seemed to improve. I've noticed that tends to happen when Matt's around. My mood always gets better.

"Hey." he replied. "Uh, listen, can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

He walked over to the bed and sat next to me. "I heard you talking to... Cruven. That other man in your dream, you said he was different than the usual man. What do you mean by that?"

I felt my heart beat quicken. I didn't want him to find out about this!

"Like I told Cruven," I replied cautiously, "the new man seemed more like a suitor than someone I had a romantic relationship with. With the usual man, it seemed as if we knew each other much longer and as if we...loved each other."

He breathed deeply. "I understand that," he said, "but how did you come to these...conclusions? Why does it seem that way for you?"

"I..." I sighed. "Look Matt, I've been having these dreams. I had mentioned them to you before but you seemed uncomfortable every time I talked about them. I just stopped telling you about them because of how you would act every time I told you about them.

Well these dreams have been filled with events between a man and I. I can't seem to see his face in the dream or remember it once I wake up. You know that from the times I've told you about the dreams. Last night, though, I dreamt of a man and...I saw and remembered his face. But I know he wasn't the same man as the rest of the dreams."

"How did-," Matt sighed. "how did he look like?"

"He had short, light brown hair, a slight beard and mustache. His eyes were dark brown. I think...I think his name was Drew." I explained. I looked at Matt and he frowned a bit.

"Drew." he stated. I nodded. "Why do you think Drew was a suitor?"

"The dream explained it all. I'm not so sure how to explain it but...I felt it. I know he wasn't the usual man because his body wasn't the same. I remember the usual man's body a lot since that's the only clear thing I remember about him.

Drew had a normal man's body. The other man had a well built figure. He also had a lot of tattoos. Sort of like you." I whispered the last sentence.

He didn't seem to hear the last thing I said.

"And with this man...Matt, we were in love. It was obvious. You'd have to be blind to not notice." I said and I felt my lips curl up into a small smile.

I looked up at Matt and I swear I thought he was about to break down crying. His fists were balled up and his jaw was clenched. His eyes looked sad and he kept them fixed on his hands. I placed my hand on his knee and squeezed it lightly. He seemed to loosen up.

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

"Yea, I just...you can continue."

I took my hand away and sighed. "Matt, that day that I almost drowned, things didn't exactly happen how I said they did." I confessed.

"I thought you said you slipped in because you heard something." Matt said.

"Yea, I said that but I actually saw something. It distracted me and I didn't realize I had walked into the lake until I slipped."

"What did you see?"

"A shadow. It...talked. It said some things." I explained.

"What type of things?"

"It told me that I had to remember about my past. After that, it disappeared and two visions appeared on top of the lake. They were of the man. In the first one, he was running away from these men who were trying to hurt him. In the second one-" I stopped, suddenly remembering what the second one was about.

"What happened in the second one?"

"We were...in the second one we were making love." I said quietly. I looked down at my hands and I felt my face burn up.

There was a small silence.

"Is that where you noticed his body? His tattoos and all?" he asked me. I nodded quickly and kept my face down.

I heard him chuckle. "You don't have to be embarrassed about what you saw, you know. I...I dream a lot about my fiancé. I also dream about times when we made love. It's not something to be ashamed of. It's a beautiful thing when the two doing it love each other more than anything."

I smiled and laughed lightly. "Yea. I guess that's true."

"Janice." Matt said and I turned to look at him.

"Yea?" I asked.

"I want you to know that you can tell me ANYTHING. I'm sorry if I ever acted mad or bothered. Just...don't worry about that. I'll deal with it. I want you to tell me anything, okay?"

I nodded. "I'll tell you about my dreams but you can't ask me not to worry about how you feel. I care about that."

He held my hand and squeezed it lightly. I smiled at him and squeezed back.

"I hope you remember about your life before this. I hope you remember soon."