The Struggles of a Fangirl

September 29th 2016

I am in study hall right now and boy do I have a lot to say. most of this i have been holding in for a while so before i begin, please no hate on me or anyone else in the comments. i am just stating my opinion and i am sorry if you don't agree.

so this section is mainly going to focus on two of my friends. i won't name any names, we will just call them Glasses and Mic. So Glasses says a lot that she is a fan of Shawn Mendes. YES! another person i can share my love with. Well boy did i think wrong! she says that she loves his music and him a lot, but when she starts talking about him i (of course) join in. i guess i go a bit too overboard for her? because as soon as i start talking she says that i am too big a fangirl and need to calm down. BITCH YOU STARTED THIS! also she doesn't stop calling me obsessive. i know i am. but she makes it sound like a fucking bad thing when it's not. i am an obsessively passionate person. deal with it. Glasses makes me feel so bad about being a fangirl. she doesn't stop hating on me! infact, it seems like everyone in my friend group hates on me being a fangirl except my best friend. IS IT MY FAULT THAT SHAWN AND ONE DIRECTION MAKE ME FUCKING HAPPY?!! IS IT MY FUCKING FAULT THAT WITHOUT THEM I WOULD BE A TOTALLY FUCKED UP PERSON? well jesus christ i'm sorry but without one direction and shawn mendes i am dead. not to be over dramatic (which is another thing all my friends call me) but without them, i don't have much of a reason to live. they help me through so much fucking shit that i will never be able to explain. they make me happy. i'm sorry but they do. Now with Mic. so she makes me feel bad about being a fangirl too. she does basically the same thing that Glasses does, but she makes me feel stupid along with it. Mic also claims to be a fan of Shawn. good for her! but she takes it way to far! she seems like such a fake fan. and not to mention that she will start talking about one of his new songs and then when i start singing along, she fucking glares at me like i am the stupidest person that ever walked the planet. This happens with One Direction, too. what the actual fuck, Mic, why you got to hate on my happiness. both Glasses and Mic, as well as the rest of my group, don't fucking understand what 1D and Shawn mean to me. i'm going to start with 1D. i have been a fan since the fourth grade (i am currently in 9th). ever since they were on iCarly, i knew my life would be different. little did i know how much they would impact my life. the truth is, they are my life. i survived 2015, i can do fucking anything! i will forever support them, no matter what they do. my favorite was Zayn, but he left. which broke my little heart. my friends weren't there to support me through that, though, because they don't give two shits about 1D. they don't fucking understand! so i had to go through that alone. i cries myself to sleep every night and would wake up thinking everything was okay and the having reality hit and i would cry again. it got so bad that i cried myself fucking dry! i wanted to let all my emotions out but i couldn't because i had no more tears left.
anyway, now my favorite is harry. and i get a hell of a lot of hate for that too! i have had people ask me who my favorite is now that zayn is gone and when i respond "harry" they automatically say"well you aren't a true directioner." WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! BITCH I HAVE BEEN A TRUE FAN FOR 6 YEARS. 6 FUCKING YEARS AND YOU DARE CALL ME FAKE?!! JUST BECAUSE MY FAVORITE IS THE "MOST POPULAR" TO YOU AND "HAS THE MOST FANS" (i put these in quotations bc i don't agree) DOESNT MAKE ME A FUCKING FAKE FAN!! and it was hard to have a new favorite. i love absolutely all of them with all my heart. which leads to this. i get so offended when people say "you LIKE 1D?" as in that's it. nope. i don't like them. how offensive!!! i don't even fucking love them. I AM FUCKING IN LOVE WITH THEM. Glasses and Mic both say "how can you be in love with them? they don't know you! they don't know you exist! and you don't know them." and i guess they kinda have a point. i don't truly know them. i only know the media side of them. BUT i can get a sense of what they are like based of interviews and videos of meet and greets. even my dad says that i don't actually know them. AND YET I DO! BECAUSE WITH A MIX OF ALL THE CONCERTS VIDEOS, INTERVIEWS, MEET AND GREET VIDEOS, AND JUST OTHERS LIKE THAT, I GET A FUCKING SENSE OF WHAT THEY ARE LIKE! if they were assholes, i would be able to figure it out. all 4 of them have such big hearts and are so caring and amazing and i love them so much. so fucking much. i have the right to be in love. everyone does. does it matter if i am in love with Harry Styles, Niall Horan, Liam Payne, Louis Tomlinson, and Shawn Mendes? NO! BECAUSE I GET TO CHOOSE WHO I LOVE AND I GET TO CHOOSE MY OWN FUCKING FEELINGS! I DONT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING THAT YOU FUCKING SAY. YOU CANT CONTROL FEELINGS. ITS FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE. MY FEELINGS ARE SO STRONG TOWARDS MY BABIES THAT I CANT JUST STOP IT BECAUSE YOU THINK I SHOULD. NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.
if i didn't have my babies, i don't know what i would do with myself. i honestly wouldn't be able to live a good life.

Now for Shawn. oh Shawn. so i fell in love with Shawn at the 1989 Taylor Swift tour at MetLife stadium, July 11th 2015. one of the best nights of my life(i also LOVE taylor swift and will probably end up ranting about all the bullshit she gets too). my best friend and i went together and it was amazing. ever since that concert i have been in love with Shawn. i can't help it. and now it seems like my whole friend group is obsessed with him. except they're not. they say they love him and stuff, but they can't say when Illuminate came out, they can't tell me his birthday, they can't tell me his hometown, THEY CANT EVEN FUCKING TELL ME HOW OLD HE IS. i don't really know why this rubs me the wrong way, it just does. and i fucking hate it. they say they love him, but tell me i'm "too obsessed" with him and need to chill out. BITCH!
i fucking hate it...

that's all for today and i hope you liked it? idk what to say lol. also i might upload 2 times a day but idk. also if possible, remember these names because they will be back. they will definitely be back. and i'm also sometimes going to rant about my personal life (using code names of course) so be ready for that if y'all are interested. love you
xoxo fangirl98