I continued allowing the bile to rise and fall into the toilet until I saw blood. I stopped and flushed the toilet, going over to rinse out my mouth and shoving gum into my mouth right after and let my hair down as I fixed it and walked out the bathroom.
I sat in my usual seat, "Are you ok dear?" Luke's mother asked me. I nodded "Yes, just wasnt feeling too well today is all." I smiled softly as I chewed the gum slowly.
I felt Ashton pull my sleeve for my hand, lacing our fingers together, I gained a guilty conscience because I knew these four boys understood what I had just done to myself.
I painfully watched as the boys no longer touched their plates, only sipped their drinks. "Stop it guys." I told them lightly as they picked their heads up, "Eat.." I told them and they nodded slowly as they filled their mouths with carbonated foods once more.
---
I walked into the hotel room with Ashton, right when the door closed I instantly hugged him, holding him tightly. "You understand right?.." I whispered.
He sighed before wrapping his arms around my fragile body, "I understand everything love." his voice gentle.
I closed my eyes as I spoke to him, "I just wish I was normal. That I didnt sustain from anorexia, or depression, or self harm. I wish I could make you fully happy when in reality I cannot do a single thing because of my idiotic self. I know Im not as pretty as the other girls Ash, and that's ok.. It just means something that you're taking your time out to help a distressed girl..." I trailed off, squeezing my eyes shut as I forced the tears to not fall.
I felt Ashton remove his arms from me as he took my hand and lead me carefully to the bedroom. He sat me on the bed as he removed my shoes and instructed me to take my tights off. I slowly did as told, the goosebumps quickly raising on my legs.
He pulled out a band tee of his own and set it on my lap, "Wear it." he asked gently, I nodded and slowly took my dress off infront of him, surprising us both. He took the shirt from my lap and softly placed it on me as he pulled my hair out from inside the shirt.
His eyes drowned me, knocking out all sense of the world around me. He looked away to change into a pair of pajama pants, allowing his toned torso to remain topless as he sat next to me, pulling me onto his lap.
He didnt kiss me though, he rested his hands on my hips as one by one he ran his thumb along every scar, every new cut or scab. He caressed them as if they were the most sacred things on the planet. I knew it pained him to see them, to constantly feel them, and I couldnt quite picture what he was possibly thinking. Was it disgusting him to see this? To not witness perfectly toned legs that matched evenly with his own and made his heart leap out of his chest to make him fall head over heels? I dont quite know but it bothered me.
Ashton
I stared at every cut and scar on her leg, her words from just recent running laps around my clouded mind. My chest tightened every time I felt a new scab and knew I had to be strong. I looked up at her as her hair still remained as perfect as when we left for the restaurant along with light layer of makeup she begged to wear.
She was deep in thought and I could tell. But what I enjoyed was the fact that here she sat on my lap, in just my shirt didnt spike me to jump at an opportunity.
I wanted to show her how deeply I cared for her, and I knew arousal wasnt the answer to that. I reached my hand up to touch her cheek bone, slowly gaining her attention as her blue eyes gazed into my own. How could she not see how utterly beautiful she was? How her simple presence made my heart jump out of my chest, and with the sight of her smile I felt like I was going to explode.
I gently leaned up slightly, stopping to see how she was reacting. She rested her hand on my neck as she leaned down to meet her lips lightly with my own. She wrapped her petite arms around my neck as her lips continued to move in sink with my own as my fingers never stopped tracing the indescribable patterns along her thighs.
I gently moved her closer to my torso, wanting her touch but not to an extreme extent. I just wanted to be able to feel her without the groping or sexual tension that rose between us two. I just hated to feel like she was to slip away from my grasp by a breeze of cold winter air.
I pulled apart for a second, resting my forehead on her own. "You dont get how happy you make me Brinley.. You dont have to be perfect to the media or the world for me to know that you're perfect. That you're different, not in a way that people will look down on you but in a way that gives someone a new sense of hope, of light. You're not idiotic because of the things you can no longer control over your body which has reached to habits that are hard to break.
You are beautiful Brin, whether you think so or not and I love the fact that you allow me to see your scars and feel them. It makes me feel as though Im inside that personal bubble you've but around yourself. No other girl nor person can compare their beauty to your own because you are simply one of kind. Your scars dont define the person you are, they define the war you've accomplished with yourself. I see a fighter, not someone with self inflicted issues, I see someone beautiful that can not learn to love and accept herself until someone does it for her first.." I told her, leaning back up before pressing my lips to her own, the world around us fading as I knew she felt how much I cared just by saying those simple words and left it with a kiss.
A/N: The clip on the side is what I imagined the slideshow on Brinley's phone to look like. By the way, I apologize for my lack of update recently. I've been busy dealing with things and I hope you enjoyed the chapter. x
Chapter 17.
Start from the beginning
