Positive heart (On Hold)

Nothing is going to happen.

I woke up extremely tired.

Didn't get even a little bit of sleep, because of what Calvin said last night. And my mind just didn't stop thinking about it.

As quiet as I could be I turned my head to look at Calvins back . He has wide shoulders and really muscular back and hands. Just stop thinking about him .

I need to get out of this house, before I do anything crazy.

I walked out, changed my clothes, prepared a bag with fresh ones, deodorant and water, and got ready to visit my old training place. I'm so excited.

I dressed up extra warm, and also brought some fluffy socks with me for the practice. I just can't wait to see my girls, and dance again.

I closed the door after myself, not leaving a single hint where I went.

-----

I opened the old door of our studio, little nervous and excited. Gosh, haven't been here in a long time. The hallway lead me to the changing rooms. I entered the one for girls, and there they were. My girls. Lena, Lara, Iza, Sabrina, Kristina, and our main girl, Anastasia.

''Valentina!'' Yelled Anastasia. They all turned their heads looking at me .

''VALENTINA !!!!'' They all jumped on me already dressed for our class together. Fluffy socks, with 3/4 pants, and usually black t shirts. Oh I missed this so much. I can finally feel a little free. Away from Calvin ... But free.

Talking about our schools, families, old training, I got ready, and so we entered the mail big studio. It had amazing audio - speakers in every corner, and a special consol, where you could control it. Anastasia sat down right beside it, to get our music, as we spoke and spoke and cuddle. We just couldn't stop.

''Girls !''

We looked at Anastasia.

''Who is going to be leading us today? Warming us up and stuff?''

I felt 6 pairs of eyes on me.

''I don't think I'm re-''

''Yeah, go, lead us !''

They pushed in the front, as we all spread around the studio.

We warmed up from head to toes, listening to music, and moving our bodies. And after the warm up we got to our favourite part.

Stretching.

''So how are the splits doing?'' They all looked at me a little embarrassed.

''Oh, okay I see how it is.'' I laughed.

With the female, male, needle splits, I actually realised how bad we got. We were almost 5 to 10 cm away from the ground.

But we continued on. Doing back walkovers, back bends and all kinds of such things. After the warm up and stretching, Anastasia stood up.

''Girls, you know what time it is!''

She prepared a special choreography for us. With gentle, but strong meaning moves. Making us slowly stretch , and show what we do best, but also get our inner beast out.

''I want you girls to feel it, and get your feelings out. Feel sadness? Get it out. Dance it out. Feeling happy? Show it to me. Feeling anger? Beat it out. I want you to enjoy yourself.''

Our right leg gently and slowly rising infront of us into a front split, making me arch my back started the choreography. I could feel every single muscle of my body. But it felt so good.

But the part that beat me so hard, knocked me out as bad as Calvins words yesterday. From piruete jumping into a male split, and fall down on one knee bent under myself, and the other leg stretched out, I felt the pain of my knees. But it wasn't as bad, as the pain from Calvins words. I couldn't even move anymore, but I got up and continued. The music slowly stopped, and I crashed on the floor, feeling a tear down my cheek.

And another.

All the girls were giving each other high fives and smiling. But I wish that I could join. Anastasia sat right next to me, and hugged me. And soon all the girls joined in for a big group hug, having legs all over each others.

''Bubi, I know it hurts. Whatever it is, it hurts. But you can make the pain easier. So tell me, what hit you so bad?'' Bubi was my group name.

Sobbing in tears I first wasn't able to speak. With the edge of my t shirt I wipped off my tears, making my t shirt wet.

''I realised in how a bad shape I actually am. And leaving us, leaving us was my biggest mistake. And I'm so sorry. And I left all of you because of college, but I didn't even make it to college.''

I heard the girls voices go oohh, hugging us again.

''Shush, listen, we are going to make things work alright?'' My head was against Anastasias chest. I wish that I could tell them about Calvin. I wish that they could help me, but they can't. I don't just have a crush on him anymore. I feel love for him. And him pushing me away hurt me so bad.

We sat there for another 15 minutes, giving out all of our feelings.

And than we repeat our dance.

I felt stronger and stronger with every single time.

But Calvin was on my mind.

Every single time, he popped up in my head, I pushed the thought about him away as far as I could, and focused on choreography.

Hour and a half later, the speakers stopped, and silence ruled in the studio. We changed and dressed up, and headed out to get some coffee, and talk. I like myself some coffee.

-----

''Should we go to that place, near you where they sell coffee?''

''No!'' I can't go in there. The thought will become stronger.

They all looked at me confused. ''Their coffee got real bad, it doesn't taste the same anymore. It's like water with flavouring. And we all know, that I only want the best for my girls.''

''The next stop is the coffee house than.''

-----

We all sat in our special little place, hidden from all of the other people. We got some muffins, sandwiches and coffee.

And so we spent there another hour.

Or four.

-----

Walking back home, alone with no one else, I got some time, to think. Just simply think.

It was around 20:55 about to be 21:00.

I wonder what Calvin is doi-, actually I take that back, I don't care what he's doing.