Sweet Blasphemy (An Andrew Biersack Story) *WATTYS 2014*

Sweet Blasphemy 7

“Envy?”

I looked up from the table and placed a smile on my face, “Yeah Ash?”

He reached over and gripped my hand tightly.

“I’m gonna ask you a question and you have to promise not to lie or leave out ANY detail. Got it?” Shit, that serious look came back.

I nodded slowly; he was making me nervous with how serious his voice was. It was fucking scary.

“Promise me Envy.”

“I-I p-promise.” I lied.

He paused for a bit; decided what the best way to ask his question was.

“Envy, what happened after you left?”

I opened my mouth to speak then closed it. I opened it again and closed it again. I did this multiple times trying to think of where to start, what I would allow myself to tell him. I must have looked like a drowning fish or something like that. He watched me; waiting foe me to spill. I sighed heavily and began my story.

“I left Ash. You guys headed for New York and I, I flew home. Dad had retired; his mortar days were over so I lived with him and it was nice to be home, I guess.” I looked at my lap. “A week later I found out I pregnant…” I glanced over at Eppi who had moved onto my bed but continued her harmless game. “And I had a baby. Named her Eponine and brought her home to live with me and Dad.” I smiled to myself; I love my Eponine. “We were happy. We didn’t have much money after I lost my job so we basically lived off Dad’s pension. But we were a happy family.” I met his intrigued eyes with a sad smile.

“But if you were so happy why don’t you live Alfred anymore?” He showed a slight confusion. Why did he ask that?

I bit back the tears and turned away from him; watching Eppi. She had fallen asleep on my bed. She looked so beautiful curled up in a BVB shirt clutching onto Hetty. Strands of her curly hair fell across her thin pale face her slow breathing causing them to sometimes billow out and fall back.

“Envy?”

I snapped to Ashley with tears clear in my eyes. Taking a deep breathe I started again. “Dad…Dad died…six months ago…”  I bit my lip to stop myself from crying.

“But didn’t he leave you the house?”

I shook my head. “The mortgage was left unpaid. The bank took the house. So I rang Harvey Mitchell I knew from school and we moved in here.

“But what about Am-

“Don’t! You dare say her name.” I snapped. “I tried. I really did Ash but I couldn’t stand her. Neither could Eppi.” I explained. I hate my stepmom. I refused to call her mom and Eppi refused to call her grandma. “So we live here. I don’t mind and neither does Eppi but…Ash we’re broke. I have nothing. Every little cent I get goes towards the rent. I just about made this months payment. We can’t afford food…I’ll go days and nights without a scrap just to stop her from going hungry. Jesus Ash, I’ve had to teach her to steal. I’m teaching a fucking three year old to be a crook!” I cried.

He ran a comforting hand through my hair. “Ashley, am I a terrible mother?” I looked up through my eyelashes.

He shook his head. “No you’re not Envy and you never will be. You only want her to have the life she deserves.”

“But Ash, what if what she deserves I can’t give her? I can’t even afford food; how am I meant to pay for her education? I want her to have friends and have a proper life.” I sobbed.

He placed his hand on my cheek. “I know babe, I know.”