Save Me

"Okay, Maschae', what do you want to talk about today or are we just going to share another day of silence?"

Dr. Vendetta was a nice woman. She had chocolate brown hair that flowed past her shoulders. Her eyes were a cerulean blue, so blue that if you stared at them long enough, you'd find yourself at the center of the ocean. But what I admired about her the most was her personality and the way she smiled. I always thought of psychiatrists to be serious and boring, but Dr. Vendetta was different. Every time I saw her, she was wearing her brightest smile. A smile that would light up the room. She was so nice to me. I often wondered why, regretting the fact that I haven't said a word since the therapy sessions started almost a month ago.

" Maschae', your mother insisted that you talk to me. She really wants you to open up about the things that's been troubling you. I can't help you if you don't help me. Silence is the easiest way to tell when someone is hurting, you know."

She was right. I did need to talk to someone. My whole life I have been unhappy. This sadness has been with me so long that I feel it has become a part of me. I've never been happy with anything, not even my looks. Call it insecurity if you want. With my wide brown eyes and long Chestnut brown hair that stop at my shoulders, I'm not exactly a looker. Dr. Vendetta brought me back to reality when she snapped her fingers.

" Are we going to talk?"

Well, here goes...

" I feel so useless in this world. I don't know where I belong. It just seems like people hate me. Everywhere I turn, something is always going wrong. I hate my life, I hate the person I am, the things I do. I feel like I'm no good for anyone."

I took a deep breath and started to speak before Dr. Vendetta could get a word out.

" I can't even get a boy to glance at me. I'm just a damaged soul that can't be fixed."

Dr. Vendetta looked at me with concerned eyes.

"Maschae', people aren't going to accept you if you don't accept yourself",

she continued,

" You're just 19 years old. You'll find your place. You have plenty of time, but one thing I want to talk about is why you belittle yourself."

Her expression darkened.

"Why do you not cherish the extraordinary person you are?"

I got goosebumps as I went back to that night.