cigarettes • joshler

Chapter 8

*dont get all offended bc of the jokes i make about brendon urie's forehead theyre just jokes, chill out.*

***

the knock on my door was quiet. my mom got up to answer it and my siblings all came out of their rooms. they all sat down and i stared at the door.

"yeah, is tyler here?"

"tyler." she looked at me and i got up.

"jenna?" got to the doorway.

"can i talk to you?"

"sure." i walked out and closed the door
behind me. "what is it?"

she was alone.

"i tried to kill myself yesterday."

my jaw dropped to the floor. i had attempted to kill myself 3 separate times and i was too scared to tell anyone. i threw away the notes and kept living on like "usual." i wished i kicked the chair or pulled the trigger or taken that last pill just to end myself.

"w-what-" i stuttered. i stood blankly staring at her.

"i know it sounds dramatic and fake, but my mom caught me taking 45 of the pills and took me to a hospital and a therapist." i bet she probably wished she took the rest.

i loved this girl to death. she'd been my neighbour for nearly 5 years and i've known her ever since then. if she ever moved away or took those last pills, i would've pulled the trigger by now. she was like a best friend to me.

"so.. you're okay?"

"they said severely damaged my liver.. but ill be okay and that i'll survive if i don't do it again."

"you won't do it again, will you?" she remained silent. "please don't."

i pulled her really close and whispered.

"listen, i tried to end my life 3 different occasions and three different ways. i wish they worked, but they didn't. im alive. i met a beautiful guy. and if i didn't meet him, he would probably be in therapy because he would've been raped." she gasped. "but i saved him. and now i'm in love with him."

she looked at me.

"josh..?" she said softly.

"josh." i said.

"i can't bel-"

"yeah.."

"so you okay?" she asked me.

"me? are you okay? you're, what- 14? and you've already tried to kill yourself? thats not healthy."

"i know, but-"

"just be careful." i said. she looked at me with puppy dog eyes.

"what made you do this?" i asked her.

"um.. i just- i dunno.. i just snapped." she said quietly.

"that can't just be it."