cigarettes • joshler

Introduction Pt 1

he pulled a cigarette packet out of his pocket and grabbed the first one he saw. he flicked the cap to his lighter and brought the flame to life with the flick of his thumb. he put the cig to his lips and inhaled. he was slowly ruining his life with every breath.

you see, tyler and josh were very different. tyler skipped classes, he would sneak to the bathroom and smoke half a pack of cigarettes in one sitting. his breath reeked of cigarettes and whiskey. tyler had never been like this until his dad died. tyler tried to end his life three times, failing each time. he kept his notes each time like they were souvenirs.

"I give up. without dad, I can't go on without thinking about how much I miss him. i would sit at his grave and sob into the soil. im sorry. im sorry mom. im sorry zack. im sorry jay. im sorry madison. goodbye."

"ive written the same note many times. i still can't get it right. i can't do anything right. i miss dad. i miss him so much. don't cry at my funeral. don't be sad. ill be in paradise with dad. goodbye."

"hello. ive never been able to get this part of the suicide right. the note never goes right, and the first two times i attempted didn't work out right either. i miss dad. i want to see him. im just being dramatic. im just a crazy suicidal addict. im sorry. i give up. see you soon."

he thought he was so terrible at living that he thought he would be better at dying. nope. some part of him wanted to keep on living.

josh.. josh never felt these things. he had anxiety occasionally, but he never felt the urge to injure himself. he never felt the need to kill himself, he never hated every aspect of himself so much to the point of suicide.
tyler had plenty of mental problems. he had addictions. he was an alcoholic, he smoked, he did a few drugs. his life was falling apart at a rapid pace.

since josh and tyler were polar opposites, they never crossed paths. until they met during an unfortunate event. josh was terrified of tyler. tyler wore the torn white shirts, the ripped skinny jeans. he always smelled like vodka and old cigarettes and he was high 60% of the time.

tyler began to VERY slowly change when he found out josh was so intimidated by everything that tyler did.
josh was intimidated because he grew up in a very strict home. he was never allowed to listen to anything other than straight christian music. he always tried to follow the rules. he had the neat-messy, deep red, curly hair. tyler had this really messy light brown hair. his fingers were bony. his fingers only fit the curves of a cigarette.

tyler had these wounds covering his body. cigarette burns. cuts. bruises. he felt like he needed to hurt himself. he had to hurt himself in some way just to get back at himself for picking up the habit of smoking and drinking. he was a mess. crying every night, blood dripping from his wrist. the blood curdling screams he heard in his mind. he acted so tough, but most of the time he was absolutely t-e-r-r-i-f-i-e-d.

tyler had never been in love before. when he fell in love for the first time, he had no clue how to react. he was in love with a boy. a boy named joshua. a boy with shiny red hair, glossy caramel eyes, and a silver nose ring. a goody two shoes who never did anything wrong.,

josh was backed into a corner by a guy at school one day. his name was levi. levi had greasy, dirty blonde hair, sharp facial features, a lip ring, and gauges. levi had intended to harm. his goal was to scar josh. his goal was to rape josh. levi pushed him against the red bricks on the outside of the school. levi forced himself upon josh. josh was trapped and he couldn't get out.

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enjoy this garbage i wrote yesterday at 2am i kinda like it but idk how much ill write anyways pls give feedback i would love to hear from you guys. thanks !!