Love Sick : The After Story

On Hold

[Noh's Point Of View]

It's been an entire month and nothing has happened yet.

"Noh, please give me some time. I need to gather my thoughts and prepare myself for what may happen." Those were his words as he bit his lip anxiously, his gaze diverted to his fiddling fingers. I can still picture the anguish in his face and the vulnerability of his voice as he spoke to me that night. At that time I thought I understood what he meant. He needed time -possibly a few weeks- to gather strenght and courage to face his father. After what had happened the last time he had seen his father, I couldn't expect him to be ready to face him. The last time he had seen him, his father had gave him a look full of disgust and disapproval. He had turned away from him without hesitation, as if he had discarded him from his life the moment he chose me. I couldn't imagine how much pain the memory brought him and how much repeating the same scenario scared him. I knew that this was one of the hardest things he had set his mind to and that he needed time to prepare himself for what was ought to come.

But even though I was aware of this, wasn't a month too much?

Had he forgotten already? No. It wasn't like that. Although for a moment, I wish it was like that as it would make things so much simpler. But I had been beside Phun long enough to know that he wasn't the kind of person that would forget things easily, especially not matters like this one. In the contrary, Phun had always been known for his good memory. He could memorize an entire book in a few hours. I had always envied him for that. If I had at least half of his memory, I'd probably be doing far better than I was right now, possibly studying overseas or attending the same university as him. He couldn't have forgotten about it. He had to be pushing it aside or ignoring it. Playing oblivious until I brought it up. He was testing me. He was testing how long it would take me to bring it up. That sly bastard.

These are the thoughts that have been consuming me since early morning and that are consuming me now as we watch the game on the television. 

I shouldn't be dwelling on these thoughts right now. I should be enjoying myself, like them. My favorite team is currently winning and I should be cheering for them, like the football lover I am. But for some reason, I can't find it in me to feel excited. Instead, I simply watch in silence, letting the two other boys in the room be the ones to cheer in my stead. 

With my gaze fixed on the television screen, I mindlessly pet Captain who lies comfortably over my lap. I can hear the booming voices of the two boys beside me as they argue about the game. From what my brain faintly registers, they are defending their favorites passionately. Under regular circumstances, I would be joining them with the same passion but for now, I continue staring blankly at the screen, allowing their voices to mix with the noise that's coming from the television.

Should I ask Phun about it? Should I give up and bring it up myself? No, I shouldn't. I can't afford to pressure him anymore. This wasn't something that excited him obviously. If it was up to him, he'd choose to push it aside indefinitely until the time when it would be too late came. That's just how stubborn and prideful my fiance was. The only reason that he was leaving his pride behind and pushing himself to do it was because I asked him to. Now that he knew my reasons, he wanted to do this so I could marry him free of guilt. He couldn't tolerate seeing me unhappy. He wanted to satisfy me in every way he could. I had his word already. I just had to be patient and wait for him to come out of his shell on his own. I knew this, then why was I still worrying?