Love Sick : The After Story

Unexpected Visitor

[Noh's Point Of View]

I've never been an overly dramatic person. 

Okay, okay. I admit it. I may use obnoxious expressions and overreact about certain things, especially when I'm excited or angry. I also might have a big mouth and curse or use unnecessary sarcastic remarks sometimes. Okay, most of the time. But that's not the point! What I'm trying to say is, I've always avoided bringing attention towards myself. 

One thing I've always disliked is being the center of attention or having others talk about me behind my back. It just doesn't go well with me. It makes me feel uncomfortable and out of place. Making an embarrassment out of myself in front of others has always been my biggest nightmare. I never understood how celebrities or those who made a living out of other's attention could live freely. However, on that day I finally understood them. Okay, not really. I still don't understand celebrities. I mean, how can you give up your privacy and live on knowing that half of the country is speaking about you? (Noh, you're going out of topic again!) But what I did understand is that sometimes, stepping out of your comfort zone in order to keep the things that you treasure the most is necessary. In my case, it was Phun who drove me to take extreme measures. 

I remember that day clearly, despite how much I've tried to erase it. Even though it was a day full of joy, it was also filled with sorrow. And most importantly, embarrassment and shame. The wedding day of Phun and his alleged future wife, Mai. It was a wedding that I was not invited to. Ha ha. It's not as if I had been expecting an invitation. (I mean, what man would want to invite his ex to his wedding? Specially when his ex is another man!) And it's not like I wanted an invitation either. At that time, I was too focused in forgetting about him and his blissful wedding. And I was almost there, really. Okay, not really. If I'm honest, I was still heartbroken and hadn't managed to forget one tiny bit. There was not a single day where he didn't cross my mind nor a single night where I didn't cry myself to sleep, longing for his presence. But at least, I was getting out of my emotional wreck.

The first two weeks of my life without Phun had been way too miserable. I wasn't eating nor drinking enough. I wasn't pooping nor urinating enough either. My whole body ached and I was starting to have hallucinations from the lack of sleep. I even took a break from my job as I no longer had the strength to get out of bed. My parents and my friends were worried but I didn't even had the mood to speak to them. What could I say? If I said I was okay, It would be useless as they would be able to tell I was lying. So instead, I locked myself up inside my room and refused to see anybody.

Every time I broke down, I wondered if he was as broken as I was. Was he hurting too or was he getting over me and starting a new life? Although knowing that he was in pain would make me feel slightly better, I prayed for him to be okay. I wished him happiness and joy in his new life as I didn't want him to be in the same situation I was. My mother would always say that the worse moments are the ones that make you realize how much someone means to you. And I could finally say that it was true as I had realized that I loved him with all my heart. He was my world and I would give anything to be with him for the rest of my life.

But I also knew that no matter how much I prayed for it, we weren't meant for one another. Coming back to him would bring me so many storms that I wasn't sure that I could withstand. And it wasn't only for my own peace, it was for his own good as well. Just like Phun's mother had said, binding him to me would make his life so complicated. Phun wasn't like me. He had a bright future in front of him and I didn't know if I was capable of seeing him get stepped on by others because of me. More so, if he were to become ashamed and regret me. So once I accepted that I had taken the right decision, I decided to stand up and learn to walk without him.