I might break, if ever I stayed longer..
It is the first time that I am leaving my home. For the last twenty one years of my life I spend it here, where I was born and I honestly believe that it is also where I’m going to die. But that’s what I thought.
I am not really aiming for a glamorous way of living, back then all I wish is to live simply wherever Harry is, as long as Harry is with me I’m perfectly happy. All my life I believe in that thought. But some things in life don’t seem to last. And as cliché as it sounds, change is inevitable.
I should have thought that he and I are complete opposites. He wanted some thing more than simple, he wanted glamour and all I ever did is to push it away from him. I was too young to know and understand what love is. I lived my whole life knowing I understood him. Us. Only to find out that all we ever did was to sacrifice instead of meeting each other half way. And with all those sacrifices we ended up blaming ourselves on who sacrificed more than the other.
“You are too young, Summer.” They’d always tell me. I am young, I know. But that doesn’t mean I suffer less.
“Are you really going to say goodbye?” Stephan asks. He is helping me pack my things. He told Lorraine he’ll be out for a while but didn’t tell her where he was going. I was relieved Lorraine isn’t here; it is too much pain knowing that Harry and I aren’t meant for each other. I didn’t need her telling that to my face, even if I know she meant well.
“That’s where it all ends, Stephan. You know exactly what happened.” I took out the dress Harry gave me and shove it back to my dresser. The least thing I need is something that will forever remind me of him. Not now. Not ever.
“And I thought things like this only happen in movies.” I just smiled.
“But it’s up to you,” he says and then looks at me straight in the eye. “I mean if you really love him, it won’t matter whatever it is that happened in the past.”
“Have someone lie to you that they’re dead, then tell me how it feels to be fooled by that one person you trusted your whole life.” I told him, this time he didn’t answer.
Stephan browsed through the frames on my dresser and came across to the picture of us together. Celine wearing her most radiant smile next to Harry who is wearing his military uniform with his arms, comfortably draped around my shoulder. I stand next to Harry and Lorraine had her hands looped on mine, Stephan is leaning towards her smiling while Jonathan stood there as if trying to belong.
“I almost forgot when was this taken.” He smiles to himself and holds the picture in front of me. “Igeo gieognayo?”(Remember this?)
“Ne.” (Yes) I told him, everyone loved that photo. I didn’t. If anything, it is the most painful memory I have. “That one day when you all left me.” I tell him bitterly but he shakes it off immediately.
“At least say goodbye before you go.” He pinches my cheek,“At least still be the Summer that we all know.” He smiles and then left, the photograph of us still in his hands.
A few hours after I finish packing my clothes I linger a moment, this is my whole life I am leaving. I have never thought of leaving and now the unknown scares me. I don’t know who I am anymore. What’s my purpose of leaving? All I know is that I need to go somewhere, some place where I can find no single trace of Harry.
“At least say goodbye before you go.”
If I do, if I do visit will it change my decision? What if I get stuck here forever? I walk down the kitchen to see my mom preparing dinner. My heart aches just by seeing her, if I leave she’ll be lonely but if I don’t I might be unhappy.
