The Chaotic Interim (boyxboy)

Chapter 19

Days passed and suddenly Josiah felt like he was reading into everything way too much. He noted a considerable change in Carson’s behaviour since he admitted to liking Josiah all those years ago.

Josiah felt like every time Carson put more space between them or stepped away from a hug or a touch, it meant something more. The black-haired boy couldn’t help but think that this was Carson’s way of saying ‘back the hell off’. And Josiah didn’t like that at all. He realized that the more distance Carson put between them, the more it hurt.

The longer Josiah sat and thought about it, which was a hell of a lot, he only became more and more confused. It was driving him nuts with how badly he seemed to crave Carson’s typical closeness. He hadn’t even noticed how used to the other boy he had grown in the last year, but clearly he had otherwise he wouldn’t be so aware of the loss of contact.

What made it even worse for the twenty-one year old was that he wasn’t sure what it all was supposed to mean. He kept asking himself why it hurt when Carson didn’t want to hold his hand. Or he would think about why he wanted Carson to sit closer to him on the couch. And even sometimes he would wonder why it frustrated him that Carson was suddenly ‘falling asleep’ on the couch every night instead of sleeping in Josiah’s bed.

What was more worrisome for the black-haired boy was that he still had Ayden on his mind. The boys still went to see her every other day for the two weeks following the celebratory dinner. She still wasn’t improving. And both Carson’s and Josiah’s hope that she would snap back to normal soon was waning. Josiah’s feelings for everything were going haywire.

Josiah knew that if he was thinking all of the things he was this consistently then there had to be a deeper meaning for it. He couldn’t overlook the fact that having whatever kind of feelings these were was usually reserved for people you were dating. But he wasn’t dating Carson. He was dating Ayden--even if she was in the hospital.

Josiah abruptly groaned. He was so tired of sitting and thinking about all of this stuff. It had been the only thing on his mind for precisely the last two weeks. He blinked frustratedly at his laptop screen he was balancing on his knees. He was supposed to be working on another English paper. It was due on Tuesday, which meant he had three more days to work on it. He had barely even started it.

Ignoring the fact that he was only a handful of paragraphs into the seven-page requirement, he saved the file and closed his laptop. He put the computer on the coffee table and sunk back into the couch. Josiah turned his head and saw Carson laying sprawled out on his bed. The black-haired guy bit at his lip trying to decide whether or not he wanted to voice the idea he had been running through his head for the last two days.

Finally after another minute of conflicted inner monologue and shameless staring at Carson as the younger boy just laid there looking up at the ceiling, Josiah made up his mind. He took a deep breath and called out, “Hey, Carson?”

The older boy watched as Carson jumped in surprise and propped himself up to look out of the bedroom and down the hall at Josiah. “What’s up?”

Josiah started tapping his fingers on his knees anxiously. He had noted that he had a lot of nervous energy lately, but he didn’t know where it had come from or what he should do with it. The two boys were a good distance away from each other, but Josiah thought they were making eye contact. And they were holding it pretty steadily, which unnerved him a little and made his stomach feel strange.

“Do you wanna go out tonight?” Josiah finally asked.

That piqued Carson’s attention immediately. His eyes brightened and he sat up completely on Josiah’s bad as he stared out into the living room. “Really?”