One Day, Maybe. #NewAdult

Ch1. Dear Charlotte.

Prologue

         "Fuck." I sighed, raising my head slightly off the pillow to reach out for the cellphone I had placed on the nightstand before laying down on my bed only a few hours ago.

            Four thirty.

         "That's just fucking fantastic." I groaned the words out, throwing the phone back on the nightstand before getting myself off the bed. I hadn't slept, and although I tried so damn much, I ended up just lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, in the dark room only illuminated by the light outside and the sound of the ticking clock on the night stand, the only background noise that could be heard.

        The fact that I was still up at this godawful time of the night or day should not have been all that surprising, seeing as I hadn't been able to find much sleep for the past two and a half months since everything, literally everything in my life, came crashing down. The day I found myself losing the love of my life.

          I slipped into my slippers and walked out of my bedroom and straight into the living room, turning on one of the lights to be able to find my way towards the kitchen. I needed a beer or possibly ten, but since I had to be at work in only three hours, I decided just a beer or two would do.

           Never would I have thought that I would ever be able to feel so much. I had never been one to properly deal with feelings and emotions which was partly due to the many situations I had been in growing up.  The Darcy that was born out of all of that mess promised himself to never be vulnerable, never allow himself to show emotions other than anything related to strength and power. People respected and feared anyone who had power.

          It had taken so much and so many years for me to finally be able to show any genuine human emotion, which is partly due to Charlotte. She had been the best thing that had ever happened to me because she taught me valuable lessons that I'm grateful for. It hadn't been easy, God knows how much I've fought against everything I was feeling for her but in the end, I was able to fully embrace love and what she represented in my life.

        So to have come from not wanting love and vulnerability, because I thought those were for the weaker people, to needing it so much that it literally was impossible to breathe, I found myself not being able to cope with the current situation that we are in. The situation of not being with the person that meant everything to me, more than life itself.

         What the fuck was I supposed to do then?

          With a long gulp, I finished the last content of the beer bottle I had in hand threw it in the trash can before reaching into the fridge for another, deciding then to try and finally put out everything I was feeling, everything that I needed to say and had not been able to or simply refrained from saying.

         It all had to be said, to the only person it was always meant for. She had to understand how everything had affected me in the worse possible way. She had to know that I was broken, it had broken me and even though I had tried my hardest to not show it as much, this separation had torn me apart.

         With that in mind and the Half empty bottle of beer in hand, I walked over to my office, turned on the light, opened one of my desk drawers and took out a black pen and a sheet of paper; and with that, started writing down everything that's been in my mind for the longest time.

         Dear Charlotte, life has a funny way of fucking with you, doesn't it? It has taken me all these months to finally come up with the courage to write this letter to you. Not that it was hard coming up with what to say, because God knows I have an infinite number of things to say to you, but in a way, It felt almost as if everything in my life would be depending on this. My very sanity and happiness would be on the line here. And so, for this reason only, I needed the words that I hope you take the time to read off this paper, to mean everything that I am feeling deep within.

          You see, I'm not one to open up and let myself be vulnerable which is one of the things you've helped me battle and learn to adapt to and for that I'm forever grateful. And it's because of that today that I can sit here in this still unfamiliar living room at 4:38 in the morning to write this letter to you and open my heart to share with you the many, many emotions and feelings that are ravaging me.

         I'm broken. That was something that you knew about and was willing to overlook and help me through. You've helped me become the best version of myself by challenging me, sometimes in the most frustrating ways imaginable, you've helped me see that love was possible for me and true happiness was within reach if only I could have the heart to open up to people and trust that they wouldn't necessarily hurt me or take advantage.

           You've always been different from the very beginning with me which is what kept me going back to you over and over again even when you enraged me to the heavens and back. You've seen my good and bad, and when I didn't think possible for you to ever come back, you did.

         And now, after the forever and a half of fighting you, missing you, loving you, I don't know how to miss you in a way that it wouldn't hurt anymore.

         You see, I'm broken, but this time around, for completely different reasons.

I don't know how to possibly move on without you because I can't imagine it and refuse to do so. You and I are supposed to be forever, so you not being with me is like a part of my soul has been taken away and I'm not whole.

           As cliche as it all might sound, you ARE my better half. You ARE what makes me whole. You, and only you completes me and I just need you to come back to me, please come back to me because this life isn't worth living without you in it.

          I wake up every morning and I feel lost, I'm lost and I need you to find me. Help me find myself because this is eating me alive. To know that you're so close, yet so far away. To know that the spark you had in your eyes just for me had died is something I can't imagine.

       I need you to come back to me because you're my home, you are my love, you ARE love, which is something I had been searching for my whole life.

           Dear Charlotte, If this letter ever reaches you and you take the time to read this, just know that everything in my life since the day I lost you have been leading up to this.

          I don't have a home because you are my home, and until you come back to me again, until you lighten my life with that smile and brighten my day with that spark in your eyes, I won't be complete.

        Dear Charlotte, if you've made this far to the very end of this letter, Know this; I love you forever and always.

          Love, James Darcy.

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And we are back guuuyyysss!! Oh how I've missed Darcy! Please vote and comment Oh and BTW. ..this is present days...next chapter would start nine months back.

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