reckless - h.s / mature content

39 - welcome home

The only source of light, was from a little night lamp stand on the ground, a few inches next to him, lightning up his features in a more creepy way than ever.

This whole scene was like he took it right out of a horror movie. A crazy psychopath, dim lights, a helpless girl. Perfect scenario.

"I'd rather not." I spoke, my voice trembling with fear. "I'm here to talk." I tried to remain steady and strong, but failed miserably.

"Millie, sit down. Now." He gestured to the couch, and I slowly walked closer to him, the rest of his body appearing to my sight with every step I took. "Elliot-" I began, "Sit down, right fucking now." He interrupted me and I swear my heart was about to jump right out of my chest.

And it wasn't even because of the whole situation or because I was afraid of what was going to happen. It wasn't, because I knew Elliot was crazy. It wasn't, because I was scared for Harry or the other ones. It wasn't, because I was scared for myself.

It was, because there was a gun laying on the ground, right next to Elliot.

"Elliot, I-I." I started, when a first tear was escaping my eye. I finally reached him, and I knew it was the best to obey.

I sat down in front of him, crossing my legs and intertwining my fingers. In the corner of my eye I watched his hand, dangerously near the gun, but not touching it. He just looked at me, and now I could see the wetness in his eyes. They were red and puffy, his hair was not neatly pushed back, no, it was ruffled up and messy. His knuckles were red and blood stained, telling me he punched against walls, without showing any mercy.

"You wanted to talk?" He asked casually, as there was not a gun next to him. I bit my lip, avoided eye contact with him and nodded slightly. "Perfect, me too." He smiled creepily, which send shivers down my spine.

"First off, I waited for you. But it's okay, I guess." He spoke calmly, while I played with the hem of my sweater, my chest heaving up and down quickly, quick and short breaths escaping my mouth.

"I'm trying hard to be a good boyfriend, but you're making it hard for me, Millie. You're making it really fucking hard." He spoke, but I knew he was on the edge of exploding, and I wanted nothing more than to avoid that. "I did everything for you. I was there when you needed me, I protected you from everything, when you needed your drugs, I got them for you. When you felt like being a bitch, I took it like a man and let you be you. I did every-fucking-thing you asked me to, and that's what I get in response? You flying out here to fucking England?" He straightened his back, his gesture being wild and uncontrollably.

"I waited for you. I waited and waited. Until someone finally told me that you were moving to England, without telling me one fucking thing." He pointed at me, pressing his lips together in a thin line, his eyes speaking nothing but hatred for me.

I was still sitting there, tears flooding silently down my cheeks, as I tried to control myself to not make the situation worse.

"I love you so fucking much. I can't live without you and you decide to turn your back towards everyone, you ungrateful little bitch." His harsh words were having the effect on me he wanted them to have. "Everyone was there for you, when Ellie died. Everyone was trying to cheer you up, but you never gave anything in return." He shook his head, words filled with disgust.

"You don't even know what happened in those six months, when you were having a good time with your new fuckboy, do you? You don't know half of the shit, that happened and still, you're here and being all happy and in love." His face was red from the anger and I could see the veins on his neck popping out.

"My mother died, did you even know that?" He asked, making my eyes widen and for the first time, I made eye contact for longer than a second with him.

I loved Elliot's mom. She was a beautiful and kind woman, but she had cancer and it was clear that she wouldn't make it long. But now to hear that she actually died and Elliot probably had to go through this completely on his own, made me feel bad about it. I felt bad for leaving him in such a hard situation, on his own, when I knew how unstable he actually was.

"Elliot, I'm sorr-" I tried to react, but he interrupted me again. "Save it. Save your excuses, I don't want to fucking hear them." He raised his voice, making me instantly shut up and not arguing with him. "I don't want to hear any of it. You weren't there, you have no right to say anything about her death." He seethed and his eyes getting watery again. "Just shut the fuck up." He cried out, burying his head into his hands, rubbing his eyes violently.

I was helpless. I wanted to comfort him, because he was breaking down in front of me, which was the best opportunity to get through his stubborn skull, but it was the most dangerous thing to do at the same time.  So I decided to just keep sitting still, letting him break down.

"No one was there. My dad was drinking all the time, my friends.. I had none. I had nobody. Nobody was there. My mom was gone for good and you disappeared." He cried loudly, sobs escaping his mouth, making me cry with him as well. "I had no one, I had to go through this on my own. You can't even imagine how hard it was. I have nobody, Millie. You were the only stable thing in my life and you left without a word. I can't really blame you, can I?" His words surprised me, I felt like this was the breakdown he needed.

"I was violent, still am. I was a total douchebag and almost fucking kill.. I almost kille.." he tried to say it out loud, but was struggling hard as he tried.

"It's okay, Elliot." I spoke calmly, that's when he finally looked up, just to start crying even more. "It's not." He spoke. "It's never okay to do, what I did. I do apologise for it, I shouldn't have done it. I lost every ounce of control in my life and I took my anger out on you." He sniffed and looked at me, eyes piercing through mine, and I was near to breaking down as well.

"I'm sorry. I'm a pathetic excuse of a human being and I wish I could turn back time and make everything right again." He said shamefully, from time to time wiping his eyes.

I was still in shock and speechless. I expected a lot of things, but not Elliot apologising for everything. I was not prepared for him to open his heart and to hear the words he was speaking now. The gun was long forgotten and I felt like there could actually be an good end to this.

"Elliot, it's not too late to change. You can always have a new start." I calmly spoke, trying to make him see the good things. He shook his head and looked up to the ceiling, taking deep breaths.

"It's too late. I sort of blame you as well, you left me when I was a mess. You just fucking left me and now I have nobody and I can't take this anymore. I can't live my life, knowing I hurt you and I can't live my life, knowing how badly I messed up. I'm never getting a job or a wife, my life is a mess and I can't take this anymore." He started sobbing again, his eyes red and bloodshot, hands trembling and he looked miserable.

I didn't knew what to do, because this whole situation was so overwhelming and I couldn't find the right words for calm him down, because it seemed that every time I talked, he was getting madder and madder at me. So I decided to shut up, because even though he apologised, there was still a gun next to him. And he was unstable and probably depressed, so he could explode any time and I needed to be careful, so I could get out of this alive.

"Everyone hates me." He mumbled, in which I couldn't keep my mouth shut. "That's not true." I spoke, making him chuckle sarcastically. "You hate me, don't tell me you don't. Everybody does. Everyone fucking hates me, can't you see that?" He suddenly got up, grabbing the gun, my heart instantly gaining speed and my eyes widened.

"EVERYONE FUCKING HATES ME." He yelled, the gun in his hand dangerously pointing towards me. "I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE AND I HATE EVERYONE AS WELL. I HATE YOU FOR LEAVING ME, I HATE MY MOM FOR LEAVING ME AND MY DAD FOR NOT BEING THERE. I HATE YOU SO MUCH, MILLIE. I FUCKING HATE YOU."

His eyes were glued to me, his lips were trembling and he wiped his nose with his arm, his gaze never leaving mine as I waited for him to act. It was senseless to run away or try to talk to him, so I just sat there, completely in shock, not in the right state of mind to act the way I may should have act. Like everyone with a straight mind would. I just sat there, watched him yelling at me, tears streaming down my cheeks and my whole body tensed and trembling.

He shook his head, left out an low chuckle and mumbled a few words, before he looked at me a last time, pointed his gun and shot.