HeartBreaker | Book 1

Late Night Call

"Sometimes I need a shoulder to lean on Chris. The only two people I have, rely on me for everything, they will always have me to support them, but who do I have?"

"You have me, Desirae." I hear my voice say instinctively.

I'm startled, those words came out in my voice yet with a tongue that does not feel like my own.

I think for a moment; I have never deeply reflected on the life Desirae lives. She has a baby sister and a grandmother, people to call a family, I never thought for a moment that she could be one to experience the crippling pain of loneliness I experience every now and again.

I was naïve to think that loneliness was only experienced by the alone.

I guess I wanted to let her know that I could be her shoulder to lean on because I've never had that.

I know the too familiar sting of loneliness that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy.

"And you have me Chris," says Desirae confidently, sounding more like her usual self.

I feel a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth and I don't resist.

We both lay in silence, enjoying the moment, letting everything that has been said resonate between us in this late and lonely hour.

"I don't know what you've gone through Chris, but I know you've lost those you hold as dear as I did... I don't think I've known anyone with so much strength..."

"I don't know if it's strength.... Just more of a numbness," I say as my mind drifts away.

"But you carry on, you don't let your past hold you back."

"I try to run away from it, it's a dark place I never want to revisit." I shut my eyes hard to repress the memories that always seem to pop up at this time of night.

"But Desirae, I'm not like you... you had a perfect life with a perfect family and you had that taken away from you.

"My life has been hell from the minute I was born until the moment I turned eighteen. You shouldn't let your past weigh you down because you feel your happiest memories are behind you.

"It's a tough life Desirae, but you deserve a beautiful one, don't settle for anything less."

I have always let my honesty get the best of me; but never have I ever, let it possess me to speak words that came from the heart. 

"We are more alike than you realise Chris, we may have different stories but they're written in the same book."

For some reason this resonates with me deeply. Artists huh? They always have a way with words.

"Everything about you Chris, brings me comfort."

I try to figure out what this means but give up almost immediately.

My mind is racing after everything that was said in these moments; allowing me to look deeply within myself, inside my warm soul that I thought was cold, inside my beating heart which I thought was dead.

It was like looking into a mirror at a reflection of who I truly am rather than who I try to be.

"I want to take you somewhere really special to me on Saturday... would you let me?" asks Desirae's calming voice.

"Yeah," I say almost immediately without thinking.

I can feel myself changing, for once, I don't dread closeness with Desirae; the idea of seeing her soon excites me and I can't lie to myself about it.

The odd thing is; I don't want to.

And I don't regret agreeing to seeing her so quickly after she asked.

"Thank you for this night Chris... you truly are beautiful," says Desirae's tired voice.

My heart skips a beat.

"Goodnight, Desirae."

As I lay down to sleep, millions of thoughts rush through my mind but one hits me the hardest.

Desirae and I are more alike than I could've ever imagined.

I heavily plaster myself with a stone-cold shell to protect the heartbroken soul I am within and Desirae projects light and everything good to hide the heartbroken soul she is within. 

We are indeed, different stories in the same book.

I shut my eyes before I'm hit with another hard-hitting realisation.

I needed this night, these words, this conversation with Desirae tonight more than she did.