The goodbyes were sweet enough. Gemma an I exchanged numbers to keep in contact. Anne had hugged me tight and told me that I would be okay. Whatever that means. I was not in a good mood to say the least I felt cold and numb and I just wanted to lay down and sleep II was heartbroken. And angry. I was angry at myself for not seeing it. Not seeing how bad he was for me. Falling in love with someone who will never love you back is like being hit with a car. They are basically the same equivalent. I could feel Harry looking at me. Quite intensely might I add. I turned to meet his gaze. Something I didn't normally do. Which seemed to surprise him as well as myself.
"What?" I asked. My tone didn't even waver. I sounded dead.
Harry seemed taken aback by the question and didn't know exactly how to answer. Shocker.
"I just...I...uhh," he stuttered.
"Words, Haz. Use your words," I told him raising my eyebrows.
"Nothing," he mumbled and walked to the left side of the car. We both hopped in and to my surprise he buckled up his seatbelt. I did too and we sat in silence. The whole trip back was quiet and uncomfortable in the small space of the car. The only sound emitting from anywhere was the radio. At one point Colorblind by Counting Crows came on and we both reached for the radio at the same time. Our fingers skimmed each other and just that was enough to make me want to hold him all night long. Or for forever. Whichever would do. But he didn't want too. He didn't think things like that. Unfortunately, he was just a punk kid. A punk kid that I happened to be in love with.
Harry's P.O.V.
Our fingers skimmed when we reached for the radio. The light contact set my skin on fire. It was such a strange feeling to want someone so much. She will always be my first love and I knew the feeling, but with Harper it was different. She was so convinced that all I want from her is sex. I want more than that though. What exactly is the real question. I just...I want to know how her day was, I want to know what she thinks about life, I want to know her favorite movies, I want to know everything that there is to know and then some. I wanted her. All of her. I just didn't know how to tell her that. I didn't know how to express these feelings whatever they might be.
Deep down inside, way, way deep down inside I knew what these feelings were. They were just so deep that I didn't know how to shed light on them. I didn't know how to bring them up and say them. You think it'd be easy, but its not. Admitting it to myself is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Admitting it to someone else seemed impossible. I think I might have a stroke if I tried.
She moved her hand away from mine and I turned it up with a silent sigh. The song flowed through the car and between us and I felt like crying. But I deserved it. It was my fault that things were like this.
I figured it out along the way that she obviously had feelings for me. She was letting me kiss her and treat her like a queen, and then she was returning the favor. Harper wasn't the type of girl to just kiss and go on about her life. It had to mean something to her. How long though? Why? Why me? What on Earth could I have that she wanted? I was so bad for her. I couldn't treat her the way she deserved. She had to know that. I glanced at her at a red light. She was curled up looking out the window. A tear had fallen from her eye and my chest clenched at the sight.
"Harper?" I said softly.
"Yeah," she said choked, but trying to act like she wasn't crying.
"I'm sorry," I said. My voice cracked and my throat closed on me.
"I know," she replied turning to look at me now.
A tear rolled down my cheek and I let it. I officially did not care anymore. She reached over and grabbed my hand giving it a squeeze.
