"Harry?" I asked knocking on the hard wood of the door. I heard scrambling and he quickly appeared in the door way blocking my view from his room much like I had done.
"Yeah?" he asked.
"Uhm, I was just wondering if you could call my phone I can't find it," I explained taking in his features which were a bit panicked and nervous.
"Oh yeah. I can do that," he said before closing the door in my face.
"So, Haz. What are you hiding?" I asked teasingly through the door.
"None of your business," he called back and I laughed.
"Oh really so you won't mind if I come in?" I said wiggling the doorknob. None of the doors had locks on them and we both knew that. I could hear a slam from the other side of the door and I knew he was using his body as a shield.
"I'm calling your phone," he said his voice sounding a little annoyed and I laughed again. He was so easy to provoke.
After a few rings I found it underneath a pillow in the living room. I grabbed it and rejected the call.
"Thank you!" I yelled to Harry from the living room.
"No problem!" He called back. I turned back to my phone at my hand and sent El and Louis a Merry Christmas and told them not to break my bed. El was quick to reply with a smart comment telling me not to do the same with Harry. I rolled my eyes and checked my other messages. Scrolling through, but then I froze. My fingers stopped mid scroll and the air escaped out of my lungs when I spotted a message in my inbox. It was from my father. I thought about deleting the message, but curiosity got to me and I opened the message hesitantly. I was shocked to find what was on the other side.
I know we haven't spoken in a while, but I thought you should know your brother is out of jail. Merry Christmas.
-Dad
I was so shocked that I couldn't move. I was literally frozen in place staring down at the phone. I hadn't even meant to cry, but tears welled up in my eyes and a lump formed that I couldn't swallow. A sob escaped my lips and that's when I got a grip on the situation. What the hell? He comes out of nowhere telling me that my brothers out of jail and then has the nerve to say Merry Christmas? Oh my God. My brothers out of jail. I suddenly couldn't hold my phone anymore. It was like a poison seeping into the palm of my hand, burning me with a reality that I thought I had left behind. This was too much. I got up from the couch pacing back and forth. I rubbed my forehead trying to ease the ache that had formed in every inch of my skull. Pounding with a fierceness that caused me to sway with nausea. It was like chaos inside my mind right now. If you could imagine rioting and pitchforks and torches and uprising and complete and utter rebellion, that's what it was like inside my brain. Swimming with all sorts of question, none of which I would be able to get the answer to. More tears. Another sob. Then I got myself together. No more crying. No more feeling sorry for yourself. I sucked in a deep breath managing to choke down the sobs and the free fall of water the flowed down my face, but still unable to even look at the phone. I stood staring blankly at the far wall pushing back all memories that had become clear and present. As I was gathering the last of my horrific past and shoving it behind the wall that had come crumbling down, because of one stupid text message. 22 words. I hadn't realized how easy it had been to break me until I met Harry. I don't think I had ever cried as much in my life than I have in the past couple months. I had never been a crier, but Harry knew how to push the right buttons. Just like my father. He had been that way as well. He always knew what to say that would hurt me the most. I hated it. I hated the weak feeling that came with knowing there are people in the world who know how to break and twist and crumble your heart into nothing.
Gemma found me an hour later. Same position. Standing and staring. My voice box was frozen at the moment, so when she asked me what was wrong all I could get my body to do was shake my head. Even with the question unanswered she seemed to understand that it was something not in relevance to Harry. I don't think she knew anything about my family besides what I had told her, but I think she knew that it wasn't the best. I think most people could. My body goes rigid and I almost shut down at the mention of family.
She made herself and I some hot chocolate and sat me down in her room. She stared at me for a long time and I stared back. Neither of us saying a word. Only sipping at the warm drink in our hands.
"Do you want to talk about?" she asked finally. I found my voice then. I was angry, confused, and hurt.
"No. I want to scream about it. I want to shout to the whole fucking world about how life is fucked up and kicks you when your down and then spits on you for good measure. I'm sick and tired of all the bullshit! Why can't things be simple Gem? God, why is everything so difficult?" I asked exasperated throwing my hands into the air.
"Lets go back to the beginning, yeah?" she asked. I wasn't sure about opening up to her, but she was genuine and seemed to be a reliable person. Besides, who would she tell? So I took a deep breathe and began.
Chapter 21
Start from the beginning
