My Nonexistent Love Life

To: Those Who Are Sensible Enough To Wear A Jacket In The Winter. 1/1/12

They both like him, supposedly, and I didn't think I liked Trent.. until i saw them with him and I just had step in and kind of mark my territory. I'm posessive, I guess.. as weird as that is.

But like there are certain boys that I don't like seeing talking to other girls, like Logan and Woody and Trent!

ANYWAY, he's such a good guitarrist and everyone's telling him to go out with Phoebe but...

I don't know. I'm actually going skiing with him this week, I'll tell you how it goes.

We had a church lockin last Tuesday, and he like.. petted my head and stuff.

TIP NUMBER FORTY FOUR-

Okay, if your crush pets your head.........

I honestlydon't know what it means.

Either he/she wants a dog and has found you to resemble one, or he/she thinks your really cute and kiddish enough to pet you like "Oh, your so cute and adorable but so childish".

Don't you think they're accurate?

Yeah, exactly why I wasn't exactly thrilled that he did so but.. i was dancing a victory dance in my head when I saw Lanie glaring at me.

SCORE

___________________________

Guess whhat's not attractive?

Girls wearing shorts in the wintertime!

Okay, let me just embellish on this subject.

Like pleas,e I really feel like I have to.

I feel really bad for sluts, to tell you the truth. I mean, they must be SO intent on getting laid that they don't even realize they're going to catch a cold by wearing spaghetti straps and shorts in the middle of freaking winter.

Hm, does shorts and camis turn off your common sense? Like seriously.

It's not really attractive. Like when they get goosebumps, it'll look like shaver bumps and pimples on your arms and I honestly don't feeel any sympathy.

Guys don't like that! Have you ever heard of the quote, "Guys like to be teased" or whatever and the more you don't show them things the more they want them? Well yeah! There's a quote like that!

ANd it's damn true, dude!

If they see everything you have, sure they might toy with you a bit but have it last longer then Hannakuh? Not a chance.

Sometimes, sluts are so stupid.

And airheaded.

And ditzy.

Well, those are synonyms but whatever.

And I don't get why they talk about turning anorexic and stuff in front of boys. like, "Oh my god this has so many calories. I should just stop eating forever."

NO, you shouldn't! Freak, stop seeking attention.

I eat freaking.. pizza, water, a muffin, and chips every single lunch, so don't be giving me shit about how one puny grape is like 30 calories and that'll be the end of your life. Gees.

Guys, I want to grow old with a man, I don't want to die a nun.

Like nothign against nuns or anything. Like praise the Lord, sistah! But... I prefer dying on the porch with a half knitted scarf on my lap.

You know who I feel so so so bad for, no matter what they're doing, saying, or living? Fat black grandpas.

Oh my gosh. I'm not trying to be racist at all, I just love them so much and whenever I see one I just want to give them a hug and buy them lunch while saying, "It's okay."

BACK TO BOYS.

Boys are stupid. Remember Connor?

My best friend had a favor to ask me.

Well, first she was like, "Do you still like COnnor?"

and I thought she was going to tell me something really gross about him and stuff so I was like, "Psh, no. Why?"

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Uh, sure."

TIP NUMBER FORTY FIVE-

Don't ever do anybody a favor if it includes your crush in some way or another. Believe me, that's bad news. Because it could turn out like this....

____________________

"Since you don't like him anymore, can you set him up with Blythe?"

Cricket. Oh my God. Are you shitting me...

And of course, I did it. And they're going out now.

Yeah, you guys can laugh-_______________-

Like seriously, what are the freaking odds?!

This, folks, is going to be a new year. A NEW YEAR.

Now I just have to find out how to attract boys without walking into school butt naked.

Love sucks, dudetts, dudes, aliens.

+End Scene+