Can You Hear Me? (joesuggxcasparlee)

-9-

And only now I'm back where I belong... -Axwell & Shapov

Joe's POV
I don't feel the same. Everyday I feel more numb and tired. I'm not the same without Caspar he kept me whole but I went to the hospital and had to mess everything up. He hates me but I hate my self so what's the point?

Caspar's POV
I have never been more worried about Joe in my life! The day I woke up and found his scars I took it out on my self ending up with Joe crying and bursting out of the room, I feel terrible he must hate me...
Zoe and Alfie have been visiting but every time they visit I rarely say anything my mind wonders on to Joe and his scars and the tears falling down his eyes. "Casp... Have you heard from Joe by any chance?" Zoe asked her voice trembling as she spoke. I snapped out of my thoughts as she said Joe's name "Huh sorry what do you say?" I asked breathless and my mind going crazy of what should I tell her. Do I tell her about a couple of weeks ago about when they both came and he left I don't even know... Zoe let tears roll down her face "I've been trying to ring him every day Casp... he's not been picking up. He didn't seem himself when I last stayed over a couple a weeks ago he wouldn't even speak to me, he wouldn't come out for food or the film a collab, he just locked himself in his room and he posted this on twitter," Zoe explained sobbing showing me her phone.
The tweet read:
I'm sorry I know I'm pathetic what's the point anymore I can't do this!!!! I'm taking a break off all social media for awhile sorry...

I looked at Zoe who buried her head into Alfie's neck crying her eyes out. Alfie turned around to me "Caspar we've tried to ring him and we know he has his phone on because it rings out but he declines the call after 3 rings can you try and ring him please?" I looked at Alfie and nodded Zoe resting her head on his shoulder. I grabbed my phone and look for Joe's contact and press the button to ring. It starts ringing 1... 2... 3...

Joe's POV (mild trigger warning please stay safe...)
I look at my phone to see who's calling me and it's Caspar. Before I answered I placed another bandage over another couple of cuts I did and slid the green phone to answer...

Phone call...:
J: hello?
C: Joe oh thank God I was so worried why have you been ignoring everyone's calls?
Z: JOE OMG CASP IS HE OK?
C: sorry Joe Zoe's with me aswell...
J: I guess I'm ok if you put it that way I'm just lying on my bed watching a film on my laptop.
C: Why haven't you come to visit me Joe please I need you...
J: Casp...
C: Joe please I'm sorry I was such an idiot for what I said when you showed me tha-
J: Casp STOP don't forget Zoe's there
Z: Joe what does Caspar mean?
J: I better go I'm busy today
C: Zoe's coming to your house now I'm sorry Joe... By the way I'm coming home next week!
J: oh erm yay I'll er see you next week... bye
C:Joe-

End of call
I shouldn't of ended it on Caspar like that but with Zoe coming over it's not like I could lock myself in my room again I'm gonna have to make an effort to speak to her but she's going to notice a couple of changes:
1) my hoodie is to baggy and doesn't fit anymore
2) everytime she sees me I've been wearing a hoodie
3) I haven't ate, drank or anything for nearly a month she'll notice because I have nothing in the fridge and I haven't been out of my room that much...
As I stand and look at myself in the mirror I hear voices go through my head 'you think you're getting thinner and thinner Joe... well you're not you're a fat pathetic waste of space'.
I shake my head and pick up my small razor blade and phone and placed them in my pocket as numb as I feel the only thing my like is depending on is a tiny sheet of metal that can ruin my life and the people close to me too...
As I heard to doorbell rang I opened it and Zoe looked at me before rapping her arms around my neck and crying into my shoulder. "I was so worried Joe..." she sobbed before taking me to sit down "I won't ever give up on you, you know that right nor will Caspar..." I shivered as I heard her spoke. She looked me in the eyes "You look terrible Joe," she said calmly a few tears falling down her face "have you ate?" I shook my head. "Do you want anything?" She asked I shook my head. "Joe please you need to open up to us please don't keep bottling everything up inside you it's not gonna make you feel any better." I looked down at my hands. I need to get out of here I thought...

A/N: hey guess who's finally updated after so long *raises hand*. I'm so sorry I didn't update sooner but I have a few reasons 1) I went to London and ugh it was so good but bad at the same time I got pushed off the tube train fml. 2) I kinda had writers block the chapter I originally wanted to do for now didn't make sense because of how I ended the last chapter ugh I'm so sorry. 3) I've been having a lot more panic attacks come on during the night so it's like I'm up all night cause of it and during the day I feel like crap but oh well I'm back now :) I hope you enjoyed the chapter and tysm for over 800 reads ilysm... byeee

*a part of this has been edited sorry for the confusion... update will be up in a couple of minutes :)