That Butler: Caring?

Chapter 7.

"Sebastian. Come here now."

The butler paused with his hand on the handle of the door to the study, stopped from leaving by his master's order. He turned around and walked back over to the desk.

"Yes, My Lord?"

Ciel pushed his paperwork aside to lean on the desk, his expression somewhat cold.

"You've been avoiding me."

He said flatly, looking up to meet the demon's crimson gaze. Sebastian tried to avert his eyes but was stopped once again by a direct order.

"Look at me. For the past week you have hardly said a word or even so much as looked at me apart from when it is absolutely necessary. I want you to tell me exactly what it is that's been bothering you. And make no mistake; this is an order."

The Earl's tone was cold and demanding, and left no room for negotiation. For almost a full week his butler had hardly uttered a word directly to him, and barely even looked at him. It was beginning to get on the boy's nerves.
Sebastian's face dropped as the order dropped from his master's lips, its weight that of lead on the demon's shoulders. He remained silent for a long while, lips pressed tightly together and eyes glazed as he tried to piece together a coherent response.

"My Lord... I... I do not think I can answer your question in any way that will not seem abhorrent to you, so I ask for your forgiveness now."

The butler paused to gather himself before continuing.

"Since the last nightmare you had I have not felt quite like myself. At first... I was, admittedly, confused. I was unable to recognise what it was I felt. But now... I..."

He trailed off into silence, his voice threatening to break before he regained his composure.

"You told me that night demons could not feel emotion. That I would never be capable of understanding your own feelings. Now I realise, with all due respect, Master, that you were wrong. Against my own beliefs, my own knowledge and, I must say, against my better judgement, it seems as though I have come to regard you as something more than just a delicious soul for me to cultivate and consume. You are more than a means of entertainment and sustenance. I... I care for you, My Lord. As preposterous as it may sound it is a fact I have come to accept. Say what you will but you specifically ordered me to answer you, and you know full well that I have no choice but to answer you truthfully."

His words felt heavy and burdened, and Sebastian hung his head as he finished speaking in a mixture of shame, embarrassment and confusion.
Ciel sat there in shock. Wide eyed and mouth agape he stared at his butler, unable to believe his words despite the fact he knew they had to be true.

S-Sebastian... Cares?

For once, Lord Phantomhive barely had the will to speak and couldn't find the right words no matter how hard he tried. Part of his mind wanted to turn the demon out there and then, part of him wanted to just dismiss it all as some kind of ludicrous joke, and yet... Some small part of him believed his butler, and almost pitied him.

How can this be? I'd say he was only playing with me, being as he is a demon, but... He cannot lie. Not to me.

It was a good ten minutes before either of them moved or spoke again.

"Sebastian..."
"I have no choice but to believe you are telling the truth. Even I am not foolish enough to call you a liar in this."

Sebastian lifted his head slightly, an almost hopeful glimmer in his crimson eyes.

"However."

That one word brought reality crashing back down onto the demon, and any hopes he had after his confession were dashed to pieces.

"This is no longer a subject for discussion. This cannot and will not ever enter a conversation again, am I understood?"

Ciel could think of no other solution but to stop talking about it. He had no idea how to deal with the fact his butler cared about him; it was unthinkable. But as he spoke the look on Sebastian's face almost convinced the Earl that he had made the wrong decision.

"I understand, My Lord..."

"Very well. You may go."

Sebastian turned and left the room with a pained expression and eyes filled with something akin to despair.

I suppose I ought not to have expected anything else. I was a fool to ever believe that my master would accept my feelings.

Ciel sighed heavily and rested his head in his hands, for once genuinely clueless about what he should do.

*****

That night Ciel wasn't haunted by any nightmares. In fact he didn't sleep at all. For the entire night he remained wide awake, unable to settle for some reason.

Why on earth would I be feeling guilty? I only did what any self respecting nobleman would do.

The young Earl simply couldn't get the image of Sebastian's hurt expression out of his head. For the first time in his short life Ciel felt guilt, even regret, over what he had said to his butler and how it seemed to affect him. Demon or not, there was no reason for Ciel not to believe his words after the orders he had given in the past. Why is it he felt so awful about the obvious pain he had inflicted on his loyal servant?

After attending to his nightly chores and tasks the butler went back to his room, and spent the little time he had to himself sat on the edge of his bed. He hung his head in his hands as he tried to forget the events of the day, but try as he might he couldn't push that conversation from his mind.

My Lord... Why?