The Zodiac Empire

Chapter 11 - Sheathed Scars

"Cosena?" Alsen rapped the door with her knuckles. Cosena's sobs stopped, but she didn't respond. "Cosena, are you okay?" Alsen asked, still rapping on the door.

"Alsen, why aren't you in bed?" Cosena answered after a brief moment of silence.

"I couldn't sleep. Are you okay? I heard you crying..."

"Don't be ridiculous... I wasn't crying. Get back in bed." Cosena could deny it all she wanted, but her weak, exasperated voice testified against her.

"I can't, I need to pee. Are you almost done in there?"

Cosena didn't respond again, but Alsen heard the faucet water running and a cling of metal, as if she dropped something. She waited for a minute before Cosena came out and let her in. Alsen stood in the bathroom, pretending she was really using it. She flushed the toilet then washed her hands, and when she came out, Cosena was sitting in bed with her arms wrapped around her hiked up knees.

"Cosena...are you sure you're okay?" Alsen sat on Cosena's bed next to her.

"Alsen, I-I'm fine. Don't worry about me." Cosena's eyes were puffy and it sounded like she was going to burst into tears any second now.

"Sis...you're not a very good liar. I heard you crying. Why won't you tell me what's wrong?" Alsen grabbed her sister's arm. Cosena flinched as if she hurt her and turned to the side. Her reaction brought to mind the cuts Alsen saw on her skin when she was hallucinating. Cosena always kept her skin covered, like she had something to hide, and with how she just reacted to Alsen's touch, Alsen feared that her arm really was covered in cuts. "Cosena, let me see your arms."

"Alsen, just go to bed already."

"Do you expect me to sleep while you're in pain?" Alsen felt her own tears starting to swell up in her eyes.

"I'm not in pain..." Cosena lied, burying her face in her knees. Through Alsen's peripheral vision she noticed a glint of silver reflecting from under Cosena's pillow. She lifted the pillow up and found a knife, confirming her suspicions.

"Cosena...what's with this?"

Cosena looked up and froze like a deer in headlights. "I-I don't know what that's doing there..." she suddenly became highly interested in her braids, making her lie all the more apparent.

"You cut your arm with this, didn't you?"

"Alsen, stop." Cosena snatched the knife out of her sister's hand. She got up and walked to the bathroom. Alsen followed her, grabbing the door as she tried to slam it, and slipping in after her. "Go. To. Bed." Cosena said sternly as she leaned against the wall, but Alsen could see the silent pleas for help hidden beneath her eyes.

"Cosena, I-I've seen this before...a few years ago, I heard you crying in the bathroom at night. Then w-when you came out, I saw you holding that knife...and it was bleeding! Back at Tirdipsowl, when I was hallucinating, you cut your arm, and blamed me for everything!" Alsen hiccoughed and her tears broke free. Cosena's mouth went agape in apparent shock at Alsen's words. She embraced her sobbing younger sister in a firm hug.

"Everything you saw there was a lie, remember? Just forget it ever happened."

"Not all of it! Before then everything I saw was real, true memories, and now all the signs are telling me that that's how you really feel! It's my fault you're doing this to yourself..."

"That's not true...Alsen, this has nothing to do with you."

"What else am I supposed to believe if you wont tell me what's wrong? I almost jumped off a hill because I thought you'd be happier if I was dead! I know I've been a terrible sister to you, but I want to make it up to you. I want to help you feel better."

"And I stopped you from jumping because both Naito and I would be miserable if you were gone." Cosena cradled her, but the warmth and comfort felt wrong. Why was Alsen the one being comforted when Cosena was hurting?

"I don't understand you..." Alsen wiped her tears away, "What do you gain from hurting yourself like this? Does it feel good? Does it make you happy? Let me try it, I want to feel what you feel!" Alsen reached for the knife, but Cosena held it above her head.

"There is no way I'm letting you cut yourself, Alsen..."

"Then get rid of the knife! I'm not going to bed until I see you get rid of it! You can't keep doing this to yourself!"

Cosena let out a deep sigh as she released Alsen from her embrace. She turned her back to Alsen and stood on the toilet, opened the bathroom window, and chucked the knife out. "Are you happy now? I just got rid of my only anesthetic, does that make you happy?" Cosena slammed the window back shut and got down from the toilet, her voice growing hard and aggressive.

"No...I won't be happy until you are. You're in pain, and I'm here for you just like how you're always there for me and Naito." as Alsen spoke, she noticed Cosena's hands shaking and her breathing became uncontrollable. "Stop holding your tears in! Just let them out, it's okay to cry. You'll feel better once you do."

"That's a lie...tears can't heal wounds."

"So what was the point of that song you used to sing to me when we were little?" Alsen wrapped her arms around her sister's torso and pressed her face into her chest, then sang Cosena's song to her.

"Don't hold onto your tears, my dear,

Once your clouds burst free,

You'll see the sunlight again,

No matter how dark the sky may appear,

We'll always see the same stars,

So just look up and you'll see,

As long as the sun still sets,

I'll always be with you..."

Cosena held her head downcast and looked to the side with her eyes squinted shut, but Alsen could still see the streaks of moisture on her cheeks. "Mom used to sing that to me when she was pregnant with Naito. The lyrics are full of nothing but lies, just like she was." she pried Alsen off of her, stormed out of the bathroom.

"S-sis..." Alsen sobbed as she followed her older sister out of the bathroom and watched her get into bed. That was the only time she ever heard Cosena say something negative about their mother. Alsen pat her shoulder, but she turned to the other side. "Goodnight...I love you." Alsen knew she wouldn't get anything more out of Cosena, so she got back in bed with Naito with one question lingering in the back of her mind. How could she help someone that didn't want to be helped?

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