started with a lie ➳ raura revised

Chapter Thirty-Two

"I've known Ross longer than you have, that's for sure," Tracy says. She sips her coffee and continues, "You know nothing about him. And even if you think you do, you don't. I've grown up with him. I've known and experienced everything about him with him. That's a solid connection Ross and I already have and no matter who you are, you cannot rid of it.

"I'm not trying to," I say, trying to stay neutral.

"It was a surprise," she says suddenly, staring into her coffee. Her eyes soften as she stares at her reflection in the coffee. "I came home from studying abroad and suddenly I learn that Ross is in a relationship with someone else? We haven't publicly announced our status of marriage just yet but either way, I was blinded by it. How could Ross be with someone else? He doesn't do love. He doesn't date. Especially not a er...Jane." Her eyes flicker up to me. "You know who that is, don't you?"

I try not to roll my eyes. "Yes."

"She was a bitch," Tracy says, not missing a beat. It's as strange to hear her swear as it is to hear Ross. "Ruined him, tore him apart. I always hated her but then again I hate every girl that think they love Ross." She sends me a glare. "I took care of him. Me. I took care of him after all that. Held him when he vomited a er too many bottles of alcohols. Not cups—bottles. That's what she did to him. As if he wasn't already wrecked enough."

She sighs and it wavers a bit. I can see it does hurt her to talk about how Lee was during his dark times. "He was so... broken. You don't know what he was like before. Before it all happened. He was so carefree and effortlessly happy, smiling and laughing. Being a stupid teenager. We would sneak wine and go up to the roof of our building and watch Manhattan buzz alive and—"

Tracy stops. Sighs again. Looks up like she doesn't know why she's telling me all this and tries to take a few steps back. She's lost in her own little memory of Ross herself. I try to imagine him as carefree as she describes. I've only seen a few glances of his true self.

"I love him," she repeats. "When his father died, I took him out. I opened his curtains every morning and closed them every night. I made sure that he wouldn't just stop because of his father's death or that stupid girl. I brought him meals and I cleaned his place up. I wiped away his sweat when he would randomly have panic attacks and go back to the bathroom to puke his guts out. And I would do it again because I love him. I didn't dare let him slip away.

"When my parents argued or went through their usual fights, he'd always be there for me with a picnic and a getaway to the roof." She smiles at her coffee like she's holding a tangible memory in her hands. "And I will be there for him and I still am. I love him truly. I can say that. Can you?"

Her stare sends a chill up my spine.

"I...."

What can I say? I've never seen that side of Ross. I've never done anything extreme for him. I don't hold his hand when he's puking or crying or whatever. I've never even seen him that vulnerable in front of me. It kind of hurts to acknowledge that.

 "I...," I say again. "I don't know."

Tracy sits back into her seat. "Exactly." She takes a sip of her coffee, the lipstick she's wearing staining the white cup. "Which is why I don't understand how you two could be together. I saw the news and articles. And it hit me like a train. Sure, our marriage is arranged and it has to do a lot with business but I do love him. And I surely know Ross doesn't just think of me as a stranger. So how could he throw all that away for a girl like you?"

I don't tell her how Ross told me he loves her—not in the romantic way—but how she's right on how important she is to him.

I hold the cup in my hands. "I might not have all these different moments with Ross. I haven't seen his dark side. I haven't seen him cry or shout or show a large amount of raw emotion towards me like you've seen him probably. But I guess I'll just have to stick by him until I'm needed for it. I know you think I'm another Jane. I'm not. I don't know or care who she is but I'm not like her. Even if Ross runs me over with a truck or tells me he never wants to see me again, I will still love him. Sure, I won't get to be around him anymore but I will continue loving him.

"Hopefully it won't come to that but I'm just saying. You might know him more and longer and more deeply than I ever could but I am something to him as well. He loves me. He's told me he loves me and shown me in more ways than I could've imagined. Has he ever told you?" I ask, trying to keep a poker face. I can feel my knee shaking under the table from my outburst. She's not the only one that can question around here.

Tracy opens her mouth but shuts it and then looks away, her cheeks dusting a light red blush. She looks flustered for once. I almost feel bad.

Everything's about perspective. If I was in her position, I would feel a little blindsided as well. She's spent her whole life taking care of Ross and loving him, expecting nothing in return. She's planned on marrying him even if he feels nothing back. She is as content being by his side as I am and I feel for her. It sucks to have feelings not returned. I felt it with Cody—now's a different story—but it was there. And now a random girl from a small town in New York is her fiance's lover?

I would feel infuriated and at a loss as well.

"Thank you for the tea," I say, grabbing my car keys and phone. I throw down some bills on the table and stand. "Maybe we can meet again under better circumstances. Goodbye, Tracy."

I mean it, I do. Tracy isn't a bad person. She almost sounds like a good friend, taking care of Ross so lovingly.

I'm about to turn around and leave but her voice stops me.

"Please," she whispers and it's so quiet I almost miss it. I halt in the middle of leaving and turn slightly to face her. She looks dejected and completely different from earlier. "Ross is the only one I love and he's the only one there for me. Don't take him. I know he's going to break off the marriage soon. Please, stop him."

My eyebrows furrow and I frown. "I'm sorry. As much as you love him, I love him more. I'm sorry for being selfish but he's the only one for me, too. I hope you find someone that loves you completely for you. You deserve better than a relationship where you're the only one loving. I'm sorry again. Goodbye."

Tracy can act as high and confident as she'd like. She can walk up to me and demand a talk and we can talk. She can act like she has the upper hand and that I'm just some stupid girl. But when it comes down to it, Ross's feelings control who wins. Ross loves me and no matter what she'd like to do about that—she can't.

I step away from the chair and push it in. I do wish Tracy finds someone. She deserves someone who will love her as one hundred percent as Ross loves me. She's a bright lady and beautiful, too. She will just have to let go, hard as it is.

"I'm pregnant."

I'm a few feet away from the table when she says that and I stop. I must've heard her wrong. I must be hallucinating from spending too much time in a hospital. I must be.

I turn slowly, my face losing color.

Tracy looks at me, no smirk and no games. "I'm pregnant," she repeats.

I feel my heart drop. She's not kidding. She wouldn't. Tracy is all business, like I said. She wouldn't joke about something like that and she wouldn't be petty enough to just lie like I would.

"Y-You're lying, you must be wrong. Are you sure? You must've done the test wrong or gone to the wrong doctor. It must be wrong. There's no way, I'm sure. You can't be—"

"Pregnant," Tracy finishes. She frowns. "I am. I'm pregnant, Laura."

oh shooootttt..stay tuned! Btw, I just visited my old preschool today, the preschoolers are so CUTE! Hey, look it's Joel xx