Amarth

Chapter 32

I raise my dagger high over my head. I'm going to plunge it right into her heart. I want her to die. That's all I want.

Her eyes are wide in terror and her mouth is opened in a startled gasp. Her finger nails dig into my wrists and draw blood but I don't care.

I press the dagger against her neck, ready to slash it across her skin and be done with her forever.

My hand holding the dagger starts to tremble, so does the hand holding Morwen down.

What are you waiting for?! Kill her!

I shake my head in frustration. Morwen's breath is coming out in rapid gasps.
"Amarth, please...."

I tell myself not to look at her. To just slit her throat like I said I would.

But I don't. I look right into her eyes.

Seeing them triggers something inside of me. Something that I haven't felt in thousands of years.

It's not what I had felt last night, this is different. With shaking hands I release Morwen and move away from her.

She sits up and rubs her neck, more of her hair has fallen in front of her face. I sit a few feet away from her as well, looking down at my dagger with the same fear that is in Morwen's eyes.

I look up at her and see that her hand is resting on the hilt of her sword. I barely acknowledge it as I look her in the eyes.

"You are not the only one who's been turned into a monster."
I say dryly.
Morwen continues to breathe heavily without removing her hand from her sword.

I pick up the black dagger and hold it up so that she can see it.
"The man who made this dagger is responisble for what I have become."
I gesture to myself with my free hand while I study Morwen's face for any change of emotion.

"He took away everything that I once was and turned me into a monster."
I continue as I stand to my feet.
"I don't remember what I was like before this. I don't know if I ever had a family, friends, a different name, there is nothing left Morwen. Except for what I am now."

Morwen looks as if she is battling hundreds of different emotions as she takes in my words.

Slowly she releases her grip on her sword and rises to her feet. Cautiously, she moves forward.

"What did you mean when you said that you didn't have a heart?"
She asks quietly.

I look down as I return the dagger to its sheeth.
Then, without meeting her gaze, I undo the top of my tunic and show her exactly what I meant.

Morwen gasps and her hand moves to cover her mouth. Her eyes are wide with horror while mine remain impassive.

"Amarth...."
She doesn't finish as she stares at my chest. Where my heart is there's a black scar and in the middle of it is a deep, black wound that looks like its slick with fresh blood, but is dry. Surrounding the wound are long, black veins that spread to the rest of my chest, like twisted arms that are trying to tale hold of me.
The skin on my chest is pale and almost white.

"This is what a monster looks like Morwen."
I say as her eyes look up to meet mine. I can't hide my surprise when I see that they are filled with tears.

Why is she crying for me? I tried to kill her and now she feels sorry for me?

"How could someone do this?"
She whispers as if she had just discovered that there is evil in this world.

I make no reply as she returns her gaze to the ugly scar that runs across my chest. Tentatively she reaches out with her hand and instead of moving away, I stay put.

Her hand is soft and gentle as she touches the scar. I close my eyes until she removes her hand. I don't know why, but her touch comforted me in some way.

"Amarth, is this why you can't- why you-"
She can't even finish as her silvery blue eyes look back to mine.

"Why I can't feel anything?"
I finish for her.
She nods and more tears fill her eyes. My face remains expressionless as for reasons I can't fathom, I continue to open up to her.

"I can't feel happiness, I can't feel sorrow or compasion. I can only hate and be angry. Killing brings me some sick satisfaction that pretends to be joy. I don't care who I kill or how they die, I only want them to suffer. I couldn't change even if I wanted to, as long as I have this scar I am bound to this fate. To spend an eternity in a living nightmare, and there are times when I don't care and welcome the truth with open arms-"

I pause, and I don't know whether it's from blood loss or exaustion, but the last thing I tell to her is something I never expected to say,

"I cannot love Morwen. I do not even know what it means to love someone. If I could have one thing back from my past, I would want to be able to love again."

////

I'm back with another question!

If (by some completely random crazy unexpected nearly hopeless turn of events) Amarth was made into a full length movie, would you watch it?

What?
A Writer can dream can't they?