ice

006

I sat on my bed with tears running down my cheeks as I drew spirals on my skin with a thin marker. I could feel it rolling over my skin, it tickled but didn't hurt. I pushed down harder.

It was 3am and I had woken up, struck with a sudden realization of the things that I had missed. I missed my mom. I usually never thought about her. But for some reason, I missed her among other things. I missed my dad too. I missed being able to remember the way their voices sounded when they scolded me. I missed the crinkle near my dad's eyes that formed whenever he laughed. I missed when my mom made him laugh with dumb jokes about monkeys and chickens and sharks.

I missed when my mom would pluck a dandelion from the ground and say "Blow on the puffy part and make a wish." I missed when she laughed and said "Don't tell me your wish or it won't come true!" I always told her my wishes.

I missed when my dad would pull my quilt up so that it would brush my nose and kissed my forehead. I missed when after my dad returned from the war and learned of my Mom's death, how I would take my quilt and go to his room. I would take that quilt and cover us both and kiss his forehead and hug him. Corinth made me stop doing that. She had claimed that since she was the oldest it was her job to take care of dad.

When she was asleep I would still sneak into his room and kiss him goodnight.

I missed goodnight kisses and dandelion wishes.

I put my pen back on my night stand and pulled a pair of my dad's old basketball shorts over my spiral covered thighs and pulled my quilt to my nose. It wasn't the same. I felt around on my bed and found TR, an old teddy bear with a maroon bow tied around his neck like a noose. I kissed his snout and said, "I love you. Goodnight." He didn't say that he loved me back. It wasn't the same.

Two hours later my alarm clock went off. I stood up, with TR in my hands and kicked clothes out of my way as I strode to the other side of my room. I turned the annoying buzzing off and placed TR on the wooden dresser where the digital alarm clock was placed. I turned it off and laid back in my bed. I had not slept for a few days and decided that sleeping was a better plan than going to school.

I closed my eyes at 5:01am. When I opened them again it was 6:47am which was strange since it had only felt like a couple minutes. When I opened my eyes, water was being poured onto my head. I screamed as Corinth looked down at me, expressionless.

"Now you don't have to shower, isn't that great?" I refused to move even though I was soaking wet. She yanked my quilt off of me and tried to pull my tank top off of me.

"I'm not five, I don't need you to change my clothes."

"Then act like a fricking adult," she screamed and held on to my shoulders,"and get up on time!" I flinched at her words and I could feel my entire body tense as her nails dug into my skin. Ever since dad died, Corinth was different. She was...mean. She screamed at me for things Dad used to scold me for. She pinched me when I didn't do as she wanted, and sometimes if I caught her in bad mood she would hit me. Usually it was tolerable but I still had a bruise on my arm from the last time she had gotten mad. She just kept getting worse and worse and I had no one to talk to about it but TR. TR was a good listener but he never offered any advice.

"I'm sorry." I said in a hushed voice.

"Don't apologize just do what I ask!" Her hands were balled up in fists and I flinched as she rose one of her hands. I covered my head with my arms and let tears fall down my face. She froze and looked down at her shaking hand. Her voice got softer, "I'm not going to..why do you always think that I'm going to hit you?" I didn't answer. "Just hurry up, Coraline." She left my room and closed the door behind her.