GLIMPSES of how Canada worked: a writer's memoir.

50. A second 'first job'

copyright © 2015 WandaS All rights reserved

ONE OF CHARLIE'S WRITERS AT CTV NEWS KNEW about a small public relations firm that was hiring. The woman who founded and ran it was a secretary when she decided she had all the smarts necessary to do public relations. She hired only experienced professionals whose lives had tripped over something, who needed jobs right now and accepted her first offer.

"The company" was a dozen persons in a small old building's second-floor rabbit warren at Yonge St. and Eglinton Ave. That intersection was a transit hub at the other end of the bus line serving Guildwood; I could read uninterrupted for almost an hour each way.

It amused the boss-lady to hire me as a second Wanda in her small pond. The first was a post-WWII immigrant from Lithuania. By the time she and I had compared all we knew about the 16th-Century Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth we were friends. Others called us Wanda 1 and Wanda 2.

My first assignment was to succeed her at "Canadianizing" American Tea Council releases for Canadian distribution. Next, I ghost-wrote one year's worth of 350-word columns of health advice to appear in community newspapers under the name of a vice-president of a pharmacy chain. That being all the boss-lady said by way of assignment, I identified 52 areas of the human body and worked my way down from hair to toenails, 66 topics in case some were unacceptable. Each column ended advising the reader to consult a physician and a pharmacist.

Good news: I practiced tight, simple writing. Bad news: I pioneered the wave of constant warnings from health professionals that we must fear for our lives and spend, spend, spend to avoid problems only professionals can deal with.

In those days Charlie spread open The Globe and Mail at breakfast with a sigh: "Let's see what the daily fright is", and always found at least one.

(I recently attended a neurosurgeon's talk to hospital staff and volunteers about concussions. He concluded with "When there's an impact to the head, what's the first thing you do?" His answer was "Call Nine-One-One". I almost jumped up to shout "NO! You don't know how long you'll wait! Apply an ice pack and THEN call Nine-One-One."

(Your body responds instantly to an impact, drawing fluid to the site. But I didn't tell the doctor because Canadians don't argue with experts. We should have started long ago.)

I kept a list of my 66 sermonettes, but only two examples.

"NOW HEAR THIS

"Prevention is the best way to deal with hearing loss because most ear damage is irreversible. Hearing depends on a complex system of membranes, bones, hairs, nerve fibres and fluids, any of which may be damaged gradually or suddenly....

"A major cause of hearing loss today is excessive noise. We hear when the brain registers the striking of sensitive tissues by sound waves. The stronger each impact, the more likely these tissues are to suffer damage. Effects may build up so slowly that a person is not even aware of it, but as years pass his ears age faster than he does.

"Sudden deafness may result from infection, not only one originating in the ear but the kind which spreads there from another location. It can also be caused by concussions, various diseases, or medications. People who poke into their ears with toothpicks or matchsticks contribute to statistics on deafness.

"Self-diagnosis of hearing problems is unwise because delay in seeking treatment may have terrible consequences. What is described as 'a stuffed-up ear' may be caused by anything from wax build-up or a pinched neck nerve to a serious infection...."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Researching that piece was so disturbing that I began using wax earplugs. Ohropax is a German product, hard to find but plastic or foam ones don't compete. Wax plugs muffle only background noise; I can still hear someone beside me whispering!

I've had to leave restaurants where decibels were so high that despite plugs my gut became numb. Around 1980 I often asked those in charge of "the music" to turn down volume, but realized they were already hearing-impaired. For a few years such noise stabilized because makers of sound equipment couldn't overcome distortion at peak decibels. Unfortunately, they did.

I cringe watching infants and toddlers in downtown Toronto with no ear protection. Neuroscientist Dr. Norman Doidge* suspects that autism originates when background noise prevents developing minds from discerning sounds.

When I wrote about ears, hearing aids were advertised only in medical publications because few people needed them. Today they're a fast-growing industry.

Another sample of my ghost-writing:

"EPILEPSY

"Epilepsy haunts its victims because of society's ignorance. It is not a disease or some form of 'possession,' but a symptom of a disorder of the nervous system. It causes seizures that vary in frequency, intensity and duration from person to person...."

Then I sketched Grand Mal and Petit Mal seizures, and concluded

"Epileptics have enough trouble with the unpredictability of their problem without having to suffer the prejudice of neighbours or employers. If you know an epileptic but hesitate to deal with him or her, discuss your fears with your neighbourhood pharmacist. He knows what epilepsy means and how effective treatment can be. He can help you overcome your ignorance and fear."

In the 21st Century, epilepsy can be controlled, thank heaven.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

After that, I was given the pharmacy chain's quarterly employee tabloid to edit. The boss-lady had charisma, was brilliant, led her company from strength to strength, but she wouldn't let go of methodology she figured out for herself without formal training. She insisted that I lay out pages using sheets of canary-yellow newsprint, an ordinary ruler (Imperial measure), scissors, sticky tape, pencils of different colours.

I had communicated with printers of The Register, The Challenge, and Montreal Panorama de Montreal much faster using any kind of ruler, mental arithmetic, and one sharp black pencil. Yet there I was, back in kindergarten, because the boss couldn't supervise work done in my head and she was a control freak.

Nevertheless, I enjoyed events she staged for clients. The most memorable was a luncheon that Ontario's extraordinarily progressive Premier Bill Davis gave for CEOs of companies which were the major tenants of 52 downtown office buildings. (Most corporations then preferred leasing to owning.)

Ontario assumed it had unlimited hydro-electric resources. Awareness of energy wastage was just beginning around 1980 and Davis wanted the CEOs to ask their landlords to turn off lights at night to save energy. Today we know that a much more significant consequence is that birds, especially those migrating in Spring and Fall, fly at lighted windows and break their necks.

All the CEOs accepted his invitation for 12 noon in a mid-town hotel. The boss-lady was in the lunch room while I stood outside the door behind a cloth-covered table on which 52 clip-on name tags lay in alphabetical order. By 11:55, Davis had arrived and media were in place, but no guests. I was nervous. The boss wasn't.

Suddenly men in pinstripe suits began streaming toward me singly or in twos or threes from escalators, elevators and stairs. They barely paused as they picked up name tags.

FIFTY CEOs ARRIVED WITHIN TWO MINUTES, were seated by noon.

Lunch at tables for eight consisted of pre-set place settings with water goblets filled, ordinary sandwiches on one plate, fruit and sweets on another; in the centre were two Thermoses each of coffee and tea. The Premier spoke during dessert, the room was empty at 1. I asked the doorman how many limousines came: Only four because the hotel was within walking distance for virtually everyone.

I've never forgotten that lesson in perfectly disciplined behaviour "at the top".

Bill Davis' initiative made little difference; some new towers didn't have "off" switches, but even those that did went dark for only a few months. But green-building awareness had begun.

CHAPTER 50 of GLIMPSES -- 30     

*The Brain That Changes Itself, Norman Doidge, M.D., 2007