The End of Innocence

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen

October 27th, 2017

IT'S WHEN SHE'S lying awake late at night, staring at the dark ceiling, that Emerson realizes she can't remember what it was like to have a plain, boring life.

She remembers having one, of course. She remembers how she used to wake up each day with nothing on her mind but what she would eat for breakfast. She just doesn't remember what that life was like, how it was so easy to take everything for granted. This past year has been a roller coaster ride, but it's not like the roller coasters she loves going on every summer. It's more like the time when she was eight and her cousins convinced her to go on a giant roller coaster, where she screamed and cried and begged to get off the entire time.

Tonight, she can't stand it anymore. She can't stand seeing Serena's face in her mind that night, can't stand the thought that she pushed her friend away and let this happen to her. She clicks on her lamp, relaxing when the brightness fills her room, and opens her phone. She flips through Serena's Instagram photos, ignoring the growing ache in her stomach. Serena seems so alive from these photos.

She finds a cute photo of Serena and Will. They never did start dating, but Emerson knows they both liked each other. In the photo, Will is looking at Serena like she's the only girl in the world. But then Emerson notices that the smile plastered on Serena's face is fake. She stares straight ahead, as if Will isn't even there. It's such a Serena thing to do, to play hard to get even in a picture.

Emerson switches to the thing she's been avoiding, a photo of herself and Serena. They're facing each other and laughing. Serena looks so gorgeous, so happy.

God, why did she have to go and disappear?

Serena would have been prom queen senior year. Will Davis would have come back from college just to dance with her.

It makes her think of that one sleepover, when Serena admitted to liking someone who she thought could never like her back. Poor Serena. She thought Will didn't see her in the same light. Just from these photos, she can tell that he does.

Poor Serena. She's never going to know.

———

Layla finally lets herself cry once the sky goes dark. She pretends to be okay in the daytime, when people can see her, but at night she can let herself go. Even now, though, she keeps her face buried in the pillow so no one can hear.

"Layla?" someone says. It's Alexandra, standing over her. "Are you okay?" Lexi whispers. "Do you want me and Katie to go somewhere else?"

Crap. "It's fine. It's your room, too," Layla says, trying to be hospitable the way her parents are always begging her to be. She wipes her eyes. At least it's too dark for Lexi to see that she's blushing.

"I mean, if you need privacy..." Alexandra says, stepping from foot to foot. Layla watches her in the dim light.

"No." Layla wipes her eyes. "I'm done." She sits up in bed, watching the other girl brush back her dark mane of curls.

Alexandra continues to shift back and forth, like some sort of nervous dance. "Do you want to talk or something?"

Layla pauses and then nods. "You want to go for a walk?" she suggests. She knows it's late, but she doesn't care anymore.

"Sure," says Lexi. "Let me get my shoes."

Five minutes later, they're walking down the sidewalk under the light of the moon. As Layla watches Lexi walk, a thought comes to her mind. "Um, Lexi," she says, 'I've never asked, because I don't want to upset you, but what happened to your parents?"