Apollo Pens

The loud hums of children's thrill filled the air, covering me with a cloud of nostalgia. Every memory of my childhood clouded my head, bringing a stray tear to fall down my powdered cheek.

I wonder if things would've been different if I didn't leave but in the end, I know its stupid thinking about it because I would've ended up here anyway. It hurts leaving the planet I grew up in, the streets and buildings here aren't the same as the ones back on Earth. On Earth you could smell the life around you – I forgot what it was like.

I looked down at the floral, hard-covered journal, resting on my lap and took out a brand new pen from my handbag. On the pen, the words 'Apollo' were inscribed with a golden printing, flooding me with more memories. I quickly wiped the tears following, knowing that once I started, I will never stop. I sighed and stained the page of the vanilla-scented journal, lightly piercing fluent letters with black ink.

I didn't know what to write and yet I had so much to say. Every word I wanted to say to him felt worthless because no words can comprehend how I feel about him. What can I say to the person who I would go to the ends of the Earth for? Maybe it starts with...

"Dear Sean,
This must be my hundredth letter to you and you've still got me tongue tied. I wonder if you've noticed that you've still got me under your spell. I couldn't stop thinking about you today. Don't get me wrong – I think about you every day but the name 'Sean McCainen' kept bombarding my thoughts more than ever. I'm just kidding but I really do miss you. I miss everything; I miss Earth, I miss those ice-creams we would buy every Sunday afternoon at the little café, I miss those poems you would write for me, using your Apollo pen but I think what I missed the most is how well we fitted together, not just physically but also emotionally and spiritually.

Anyway, New Earth is completed. It's beautiful here; everything has been perfectly created to replicate Earth - every spec, perfectly in place. I guess this is home now but for a place they call our 'sanctuary', I don't feel safe at all. This isn't 'home', no matter how often everyone says it. Home is where the heart is, isn't it? I guess you took my home and stored it away with you back on Earth, didn't you?

The council thought it would be a smart idea to allow more people into the new planet. We're expecting a ship to come by around Wednesday. I hate that darn ship with a passion. That ship was the vessel that separated me from you... The bumpy ride was not worth leaving you, and entering a forged civilisation. No one ever expected that the wars on Earth will be so bad that we had to evacuate to this darn place – it's just not fair.

Sean, why did you bother to continue fighting for Earth? Our planet became a disposal unit and there was nothing to stay for. You always told me your reasons but I guess I just never wanted to accept them. You always said you wanted to be the hero but you didn't have to fight for your planet for me to believe that you truly are one already. You were always so stubborn.

Do you remember when we said our final goodbye? I try forgetting about it honestly, because every detail is a dagger to my heart. The heavy smoke, the falling missiles, the deafening screams, and the push and pull of the swarming crowd, I can never forget that no matter how hard I try. Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night because of it.

Sean, I'm sorry for leaving you. I'm sorry that we're not together anymore, there's never a waking moment when I don't think about you. I feel like my apologies are overdue, in fact they are, four years too late. I wish I was there for you Sean, and I'm sorry I wasn't. I just hope you knew how much I loved you, even in your grave, I hope you will treasure all our moments together, because I know I will.

I love you, and I know you're watching over us in Heaven. You will always be in my heart.

Forever Yours, Anastasia McCainen."

By the end, many tears have fallen, multiple pages have been written and many letters that will never be sent will be concealed in this book forever. A cold, comforting breeze embraced me, easing up the tension in my hand and blowing away the cloud above my head.

"Mummy, I'm tired," A drowsy boy approached me rubbing his eyes, holding his bucket and spade after an hour of playing in the sand pit.

"You wanna go home now, Apollo?" I asked, tucking my journal and pen back into my handbag.

"Yes, please," and away we went, on our way back home, leaving the Sean McCainen Park, once again.