Run (Disasters in Love: Book 1) (Part 1 COMPLETE)

Chapter 43

Ben
May 21, 2005

*

Same day

*

"Ben, I'm serious.  Untie me."  She's trying to shut me out, but I can't figure out what changed.  I almost had her exactly where I wanted her.  It was drastic, I know, but she was about to open up to me.  I could feel it.

I can't give in now, or all the progress we made so far will be lost.  She needs to stay for once.

"Feeling the urge to run, Beautiful?"  I lean forward, kissing her forehead, but for the first time ever, she finches at my touch.  My stomach drops. 

Shit.  What have I done?
Of course I fucked up again.

"Yes."  She barely even whispers the word, but the look in her eyes tells me everything I need to know.

She's about to freak the fuck out.

"Kat."  I stroke her arms gently trying to calm her down, but her body only tenses further.  "Look at me."

Her eyes snap up to mine, the wild look turns my stomach into knots.  "Listen to me, Beautiful.  Whatever it is, we'll get through it."

My words are bouncing off her. I need to find a way to get through to her. As her body begins to tremble, I grow more and more desperate.

The tears streaming down her face tell me I somehow went too far. 

But at what point? 

She was okay when I tied her up. 
She was okay when I was edging her. 
She was even okay when I went off about The Bitch.

I asked her if she wanted to be with me, but why would she have a panic attack over that?

She didn't even answer.  Not really.

I climb off the bed, pulling off each tie one by one.  As soon as I remove the last one, she curls up into a ball, wrapping her arms around her legs.

Oh God.  What have I done?

I've somehow broken the strongest, most intelligent woman I've ever known.  I've reduced her to this.

Maybe I'm the hurricane.

Before me lies the destruction I left in my wake, in a tangle of hair, tears and quivering limbs.

Laying down, I pull her into my arms, as I whisper into her hair.  "Breathe, Kat.  Breathe." 

Suddenly I feel like one of those poor suckers in the hospital with his angry wife yelling at him about it being all his fault.  Poor bastard's only job is to keep reminding her to do the one thing we all do naturally.

God, what a fucking joke.  Me as a father?

Mom would be thrilled that I created a living play toy for her to spend her abundance of free time and energy on.  Maybe then she would finally leave me the fuck alone. 

Yeah, right.

Father probably wouldn't notice unless we sat the baby on his desk, but only if we had an appointment, of course.  

Jesus Christ, Kat's dad would murder us both.  Or at least kill me and disown her.  That's what those loving Christians usually do, isn't it?

Shit, why am I even thinking about knocking up Kat?  This is stupid.

That's never going to happen.