Fall in May

~18~ The Other Lunch

"Who or what are the little letter leatherheads?" May tilts her head in inquiry.

"Those varsity football jocks who wear letterman jackets and talk about nothing besides "The Team", "The Coach", "The Game'. Oh, and how much they're looking forward their next highly homoerotic shower scene in the big boy's locker room after the big ball game. But you know ...not in the gay way of course. Cause they totally hate all "those faggots" from the Other team."

"Which is kind of strange if you ask me? Cause personally, I think the whole thing is just a cover for the real action. Traveling all over, meeting all those sweaty big boys from other schools. Then rolling around in the grass, tackling each other and trying to touch balls ...and scoring."  eah, I'm starting to think I might be spending too much time around Chad lately? I am starting to fear that his sickness might be starting to rub off on me.

"You know all those sports metaphors are like code for like what's really going on?" I drop my voice sotto voce. "Just think Joan Crawford postcards, mineral water and I love my dead gay son ...if you get my drift?"

"Oh my god I love Heathers! I always wanted to learn how to fly with eagles." May laughs at the obscure 80's classic cult movie reference. 

"Yeah, real life sucks losers dry. You want to flock with the falcons, you have to learn to fly." I counter back.

"Okay, I see where this is headed, she said highly interested in the new movie metaphor game."  May grins wickedly at her own funny faux. "But prey tell where are the cheerleaders with all this Other scoring going on? I am curious as to what's their roll in this twist?"

"Well, I've struggled with that very question for years now. And the only thing I can come with so far is they know something about all this that the rest of us are completely missing. Cause so far I got nothing that justifies their existence in the mix? Well, obviosuly other than maybe future stripper training. But by far the ones who really know the what's what, are those really super sensitive guys on the cheer squad. I think they know all the secrets that must not be named."

"Who Adam and Steve? They always smell super cute to me." May grins wickedly.

"Riiiiight." I drone. "Well I don't know how to break it to you, but your super cute buddies Adam and Steve? Yeah, I don't think they are doing whatever one thinks they are doing to each other. I think that they're actually the straight ones in the mix, and that's why they hang with the fearleaders. But like everyone else, you've got the whole thing mixed up in your head."

"I think it's that soylent green they've been force feeding you that's been twisting your head around, telling you up is the new down." I tell a twisted truth about the horror that is high school. "Cause all this crazy crap can't possibly be this wrong and still keep working for all this time. It's because they're not wrong ...they're right."  

"And we're just now putting the pieces together of the vast conspiracy of the Great Rah Race."  May picks up where I left off and takes us to a dark place. "To impregnate our cheerleaders with the babies of the last smart straight men left on the planet. To repopulate the planet with their cheery master race who's motto is 'We can do it...yes we can! We can do it like no one can!'."   

"O my god that explains so much!" May claps merrily with the new Rah Race conspiracy game. "Like how Awesome Adam and Sexy Steve and the rest of the 'Other guys', are the only boys who wear cologne in the school. But as a scent and not a shower soap substitute. It's because they're the ones who want the recreational sex, and the cologne is pheromone for mating season. And not just because someone told them they stink to high heaven, instead of taking a shower with the dreaded soap?" May lowers her to a conspiratorial whisper.  "And the rest of them smell like B.O. because that's what attracts all 'The Other Boys'? Like bees to flowers, or in this case flies to crap?"