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I'd never been able to explain how pain actually feels

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I'd never been able to explain how pain actually feels.

When mom died, I was young. It affected me in so many ways that I couldn't express. It broke my heart. When our cat Charlie got hit by a car outside the house, it broke my heart. Dad being in the hospital last Christmas, it broke my heart.

My heart was full of small cracks, and today is the day it'll shatter.

I'd been laying in bed all night, awake. I couldn't sleep. I heard Jaymi's light snores next to me and that was the only thing keeping me sane and quiet right now. I looked at my alarm clock on the nightstand.

06:12

The alarm was supposed to go off in three minutes.

I switched it off and rolled on my side, pulling the sheets over my mostly naked body. I ran my hand down Jaymi's cheek and his eyes fluttered open.

Immediately I felt my eyes water.

Today was the day that Jaymi left me.

I'm probably being extremely dramatic. Definitely being extremely dramatic. Considering a year ago, I couldn't stand this man. It was different now. Everything was different now.

I loved him.

I couldn't let him know that, it's only been a few months that we've been together. But I can't help loving every single part of him. Everything about him filled my heart with absolute love and joy.

I couldn't let him know that.

Especially not now.

I felt the tear slip out of my eye and I wiped it away quickly.

"Come on, it's time to wake up. We have to sneak you out of here." I chuckled, trying not to expose my emotions. I'd been hard over the past few weeks and I couldn't let him see me break now.

I sat up and pulled on my pajamas that were basically ripped off my body last night. I heard Jaymi doing the same thing on his side of the bed.

I watched Luna sleep in the corner in her fluffy bed and my heart felt whole. I felt Jaymi's arms around my shoulders and he pulled me back down into the bed.

"I'll be back at around nine for breakfast. We can go wherever you want." He told me, kissing my forehead and smiling down at me. I could see in his eyes the same sadness that mirrored my own.

I nodded and pushed him up. We snuck to the door and I watched as he snuck away and out the front door, quiet as a fox.

I went back into the room and took a warm shower. I spent extra time scrubbing my hair and conditioning it well. I also spend a good three minutes just sobbing silently. I slipped out of the shower, literally slipped. I just slid down to the floor and laughed at myself.

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