The Reality of Now

Five

"Okay," I muttered finally, reluctance ringing its way through my voice.

Mom smiled, but there was nothing kind about it. I instantly thought of Mr. and Mrs. Amberley with their warm smiles and shining eyes. They actually had laugh lines, a sign that they were happy people. I frowned at the realization that my parents just weren't anymore.

Dad, of course, tried to be happy for me. But he was hurting, and I knew it was all he could do to get out of bed in the morning. Mom, on the other hand, was a different kind of unhappy: irritable and unreachable. I suppose I could relate to the latter, for I never really wanted to talk about my own feelings. I preferred to work things out alone. Though I did the exact opposite the other day after Ruby and Sapphire had picked me up from the club. I poured my heart out to them like I've never done with anyone.

Regardless, I still didn't want to spend any time talking with my mom. Though of course that didn't matter, because soon she was practically dragging me to her car.

I leaned my head against the window, and a small smile grew on my face when we drove past Amberley's. The ugly van was parked outside, and plenty of people were milling in and out.

Soon mom pulled up to a coffee place, and we headed inside. I sat with my eyes on the table, holding the warm cup tightly in my hands.

"Saya," mom said, sounding tired. "Look up, would you?"

I obeyed, but seeing the look on her face made me want to put my head back down. Her eyes screamed disappointment and the harsh lines of her skin showed weariness. "I'm aware that you and Akio broke up."

All of a sudden it felt like my heart was trapped in a metal compactor, each quickened beat only crushing it more. I couldn't talk about this. Not with my mom, not now.

"You know?" My voice was small, like a child's.

"Sachi told me."

I was puzzled. "Sachi knows?"

"Faith told her."

There it is, I thought. Leave it to Faith to start gossiping about me the second I make her mad.

My hands tightened even more around the coffee cup, my knuckles turning white. "Oh?"

Mom nodded and sipped her drink. "It was a stupid thing to do, Saya."

I grit my teeth. "You didn't even like Akio when we started dating."

Mom rolled her eyes. "That's because I didn't know anything about him. Once I met him I realized that he was a nice boy, and his family-"

"Was rich?" I finished the sentence for her.

She looked appalled. "Pardon me?"

I shut my eyes for a moment to concentrate. "You were going to say that, I know you were."

Mom crossed her arms. "I was going to do nothing of the sort."

"You were thinking it!" I insisted, my voice raising. "When you found out they had money you could hardly wait to shove me into a wedding dress and send me down the isle!" My heart began to race, and I could feel it slamming against my chest.

Mom started stammering. "I-I just wanted you to be well off. Is that a crime?"

I glared at her. "Shallow, is what it was."

Mom straightened up and met my glare with her own cold, piercing eyes. "Saya Kei Mori, you will not speak to me that way! I am your mother."

"Then why haven't you been acting like it?" I cried desperately. People were starting to glance over, but I could hardly care. "You're never here for me nowadays, you don't make me feel wanted! It's like I'm an object you had no use for anymore, and you threw it away, leaving me behind for someone new, someone better, to pick back up. Someone who cares about me..."