Loser | Jojian

Ten

"I'm scared to be in love." Ian seemed slightly confused, and I would be too. Who's ever heard of a guy being afraid of love? "I'm afraid of being head over heels. I'm afraid of putting my everything into a relationship. I'm afraid of the other person being my whole world. I'm afraid of all of that happening and then having it fail. The other person cheats. They do something shitty. They leave you for somebody better. The spark is gone. You're forced by somebody. I don't..." my voice broke, and I was trying so hard to keep it together. "I don't want to have my heart broken after doing all I could for somebody."

I looked up at Ian while involuntary tears dripped from my eyes. "But I would never do that-" Ian started to say, before I cut him off.

"Everybody says that. Everybody believes that. But how many fucking Highschool relationships actually work out? Exactly. Something always ends up going wrong. But the problem is... I'm starting to feel that way towards you."

Ian pulled me into a long hug. I whispered that I was sorry, silently crying onto him. "Joji. I want to tell you something." Ian said quietly in my ear.

"I lied when I said I've had a crush on you since the beginning of the year..." he paused. "I've loved you. This entire year. I've always been staring at you from across the classroom, watching you in the hallways, always wishing I had to courage to introduce myself to you. Who would've thought it took me punching a mirror to finally talk to you?" He was still holding me as he talked, and his voice was the only thing to be heard.

"Plus, there are tons of people who meet their true loves in high school. Tons. I could probably think of a handful off the bat. My parents even met in Highschool, but got together later on." I listened intently to what Ian was saying. It's funny, anybody else would've made me punch them in the throat for talking to me about this, but Ian... Ian made it comforting.

"Joji... I promise, I'd never break your heart. I'd honestly rather hurt myself than hurt you. I'd do anything to make you happy. I love you, to an unhealthy extent, and the moment you kissed me the first time, even if this sounds over dramatic, was the highlight of my year." I listened to his soothing words, starting to calm down.

"Thank you so much Ian. Y'know, I've never believed in love at first sight, I've always thought it was a load of crap. After all, you can't really love someone if you've just met them, right? Yet I'm head over heels for you after just a week." I told Ian. My voice was still slightly shaky, but it wasn't too bad, and I was still understandable.

Ian only held me closer, kissing my cheek. "I feel the same about you. And after all, aren't you my boyfriend? I'll always be here for you, Joji." He said comfortingly. I smiled and nodded, closing my eyes.

"I'm glad I met you." I mumbled, keeping my eyes closed. "Even if it's tearing my life apart, at least my life's being torn in a good way."

I kept my face Ian's shoulder, closing my eyes. I'm not sure why, but I was overwhelmingly tired out of nowhere. It didn't take me too long to fall asleep on him, still being held in his arms.

"I love you." I had heard him say before no longer being able to make sense of the world and being overcome by sleep.

Shittttttt this just got deep af. Whoops. It only gets worse from here ;( but thanks for reading my dude, I appreciate it so much. Have a great day/night.
~Sophia

**Imagine if I randomly didn't end my authors note with ~Sophia but instead did some shit like -Carol lmao