Loser | Jojian

Nine

Ian and I were laying down in my backyard, surrounded by the snow. "Ian, if you could wish for one thing in the world and one thing only, what would it be?" I asked him. My head was laying on his chest, and I could hear his heart beating.

"Hmm... there's a lot to wish for. I could wish for money, perfect education, fame..." he trailed off, looking down at me. "Although that seems kind of boring. I'd probably wish for you. Or a dog. Maybe you and a dog. That would be great."

I giggled, partially from him joking around and partially from being flattered. "At first, I thought maybe I'd wish for the world's cutest guy, but I've already met him, so I'm not sure what I want. Maybe a kiss from the world's cutest guy." I moved myself up so my face was right by his and I pressed our lips together.

"Oh look, my wish just came true." I whispered as Ian laughed, punching me lightly in the shoulder. I stayed hovering above him, not technically touching him but still just inches away.

Ian suddenly grabbed me and pinned me down, climbing on top while I just giggled. "Wh-what are you doing?" I asked, although it was more of a statement than a question.

He only grinned, leaning down and asking me a question. "Are you ticklish?" He whispered in my ear, smirking.

"W-what, no" I said, a little too quickly for Ian to believe. He started to tickle my sides, instantly making me thrash around laughing.

"I-Ian no! Argh, stop please I beg you" I said between laughs, while he just stayed on top of me.

He was forced to stop when I shoved him off me, which wasn't too hard since he was so light. "Let's go inside and drink some hot chocolate." I said, grabbing his undamaged hand and pulling him up, and back inside my house.

"Hopefully it's not as hot as you, or I'll end up giving myself third degree burns." I giggled at the compliment, making us both cups.

"Ooooo let's watch a movie together, movies are great." I suggested, sitting on my couch and looking through my DVDs. "How about Edward Scissor hands?" I offered, holding up the case.

"Sounds good, it's been a while since I watched that." I threw it at Ian, asking him to play it for me as I grabbed some blankets.

I was laying down sideways on the couch and sipping my hot chocolate. Ian was laying half on top of me, half on the edge of the couch. "It's like spooning 2.0" He said with a laugh.

Halfway through the movie, I was starting to doze off but I heard a knock on the door. Groaning, I untangled myself from Ian and paused the movie to go get it.

Opening up the door, I was surprised to see my friend Max standing there. "Oh, max, what are you doing here? And how the fuck did you even get here, aren't the roads closed?"

"I walked." He shrugged, like it was no big deal walking in 12°F weather. "Me and the boys are gonna fuck around a bit, wanna come?" I already knew what he meant by that, and was not interested in the slightest bit.

"Max, you know I'm not into doing that. Besides, I have plans today, sorry." He furrowed his eyebrows when I said that, and I could tell he was gonna have some questions.

"What? Is it a girl or some shit?" I rolled my eyes, wishing right then and there I could slam the door on his face.

"It's none of your business. Thanks for offering, but you wasted your time walking over here." He shook his head, turning away as I closed the door.

I walked back over to the couch and saw Ian waiting there on his phone. He immediately shut it off when I walked over. I was about to play the movie when my door opened.

"By the way, Joji- the fuck?" Max was standing there in my doorway, looking at me with pure confusion. Ian turned his head and seemed somewhat scared of Max, but I wasn't sure why.

"Why are you hanging out with this faggot? He's a loser, Joj." I frowned, walking over to Max.

"I'll hang out with whoever I want to. He isn't a faggot, or a loser. Do you even know him, or are you just mindlessly picking on him?" I've never said anything to Max about him bullying others, so wasn't too sure how to respond.

"Well I mean... he just is! He's a fucking dweeb, and he isn't nowhere near you on popularity or anything like that. I don't understand why the fuck you want to-" I cut him off there, starting to get pissed off.

"No. Shut the fuck up, Max. You're just copying what you've heard everybody else saying. It shouldn't matter wether or not he's 'popular,' as long as he's fucking nice and a good person." I took a step closer to him, shoving him back.

"So how about you stop making assumptions about people before you fucking know anything about them, and don't fucking criticize who I want to be friends with. It's my life, not yours."

Max didn't say anything at all, and I knew exactly why. I was normally a passive kid, I never spoke out or anything because nobody ever did really bad things to me. But something about what Max was saying made me angrier than normal, and even if I didn't blow up this was pretty much my way of snapping.

"I-I, sorry I guess. I'll... I'll leave then." Max awkwardly left, shutting the door that I locked behind him. I walked back over to Ian who just stared at me.

"W-why'd you stick up for me like that? Isn't Max your friend?" I kept a straight face as I sat next to Ian and locked eyes with him.

"Because I like you Ian. I love you. And I'm not gonna let anybody say shit about you." I said without much thought.

Ian looked down at his hands, twiddling with his fingers. "But... I don't understand. I do love you, Joji, but why do you love me? Why are you willing to chose me over one of your friends? It makes no sense."

"Why? Because, Ian, I'm fucking falling for you. Harder than I should. Harder than anybody I've ever met. I'm not just falling for you, I'm falling in love with you." The second those words left my mouth, everything hit me like a brick.

Every doubt, every lie, every cover up fluttered away. I'm in love with Ian. It terrified me, love has always terrified me, yet it's exactly what I was feeling for this kid. Somehow, he had managed to worm his way into my heart and I just can't stop thinking about him.

"Joji? Are you alright?" Ian snapped me out of my thoughts, putting his hand on my shoulder. I didn't realize that I zoned out, although it happened a lot when I was thinking.

"I'm sorry. What did you say?" I asked, looking at him. He sighed, looking down.

"What's wrong?" Ian asked me. I wasn't sure if I should tell him. I knew exactly what was wrong, and it couldn't really be solved.

"I'm scared." Was all I said. Of course, that's the most unspecific thing I could say, and 'scared' didn't even scratch the surface. The thing was, I felt like I could trust Ian. More than anybody else. I've only known him for a week, yet I trust him more than any of my friends I've known for years.

"Of what?" He responded, pulling me close. I didn't even realize I was starting to tear up until a few tears fell onto my legs. I slowed down my breathing. I didn't want to cry. That makes everything hard.

"Joji? Joji, why are you crying?" I didn't look at Ian. I took a shakey breath, begging myself not to cry.

"I'm scared to be in love."

Tfw you're writing fanfiction in study hall and listening to Metallica