The Program

Chapter 18

''I'm not done.'' Natsu told me, stepping back in front of me. 

''Oh.''

''... Gray, you're my best friend.'' Natsu directly looked at me. ''I've always thought of you that way. I never once thought otherwise. But I admit, it was a shitty thing to do.. I've been like this for years. Even before I met Lisanna. She knew how I was. But that's not the point. Gray, I'm really sorry for not fulfilling my role. We're buddies. We should tell each other everything. Be open with each other, even if we're not all about our feelings. Because that's what you showed me that friendship is. It's so hard talking about this.. or even telling you this right now. But it doesn't matter. This friendship is more important than my fucking insecurities and burdens. I'll try to make things better. I'm trying to change. I'll try not to lie or be distant. But in order for that to happen, I can only hope that you'll forgive me. I know that it'll take time. I think we need to truly understand each other. I also think that we could do it, though. You've been by my side even while I've been an asshole. I don't want to lose you. I'm sorry.''

There wasn't any words that immediately popped into my brain to say. I was just completely speechless. Natsu would never say how he truly felt or voice anything the way he did. It's like I'm watching him change right before my eyes.

That in itself made me want to believe him. However, I still couldn't. He's right. We don't understand each other and I don't trust him either.

Just as he said though, it'll take time. He's been fake to me since the very start. It's not going to be easy.

But despite that, I want to still call him my best friend. I want to joke and fool around like we usually do. I want to fix this. He's someone I care about.

And I think that no matter what, he'll always be my buddy and a person I could never see out of my life.

Taking a deep breath, I gave him a gentle smile. ''I forgive you, man. But this is your only chance, don't waste it.''

''I won't. I'll try to be a real best friend this time.'' 

''Same here,'' I sighed. ''I should be apologizing too. I called you out on that, but it was hypocritical on my part. Let's both make this right.''

''That's okay.'' Natsu assured, shoving his hands in his pockets before grinning. ''But in this case, I have something to tell you.''

''That's new.'' I chuckled. ''What's up?'' 

''I think I have a crush on Luce.''

''Luce?''

''Lucy Heartfilia.'' Natsu confirmed.

''The blondie in our class?'' I questioned.

He nodded. A small smile appeared on my face as I slapped him on his back. ''I fucking called it!''

''Shut up, gay pants.''

I rolled my eyes at his nickname before referring back to the subject. ''Are you sure though? I mean, after the whole Lisanna thing.. you never went back to that scene. You only talk about it to tease me.''

Natsu nodded again. ''I honestly don't know.. but I felt something earlier.'' 

''Felt what?'' I asked, looking at him.

''Hard to explain but there's no point in denying it. I genuinely believe I like her.'' He stopped for a minute. ''But..''

''But?''

''Sorry, it's not easy doing this.'' Natsu laughed.

''Take your time, man. I get it.'' 

He glanced at me before averting his gaze elsewhere. ''I don't want to fuck up the same way I did with Lisanna.''

For once, just by the pain in his expression alone, I could tell that Natsu regrets what he did enormously and that regret probably runs more deep than what meets the eye.

Erza Fernandes

Two weeks. That's how long it's been. It's now currently January 16. 

After the arrival of my father, I've been keeping in contact with him as I was moved out of the hospital and into a behavioral health center.

It's surprisingly been a long process since it's currently packed plus my mom and her husband had to deal with my boarding school issues. They took me back home for a week, and now I've been placed into the center.

It's not that bad, to be honest. The individuals here are actually very nice. The only thing that I don't like is that I'm not allowed to use my phone.

They've put me on medication to regulate my emotions and it's been helping immensely. Overall, the amount of support I've received from all these people has been unbelievable. I'm starting to believe that I could actually do this challenge called life again. Slowly, but maybe surely eventually.

Coping methods. Ones that understand me and don't judge. Opening up to others. Telling how miserable I've felt these past years. It's overwhelming, but it's happening. I'm moving.

At first, I honestly thought I would hate this place. But there's a lot that I've realized after the visit of my father and heading back ''home'' where I had a breakdown and cut my long, scarlet hair up to my collarbones.

I don't know what came through me. The scissors were right next to me, and I was tired of feeling this way. There needed to be a physical change besides a mental one. And I don't know, I felt like I did the right thing in the end. I use to have short hair when I was a kid.

When I was a kid, I was happy.

And now that I'm about to become an adult, I'm not.

I've realized that there's no way I could go back to those times.

I'm not the same person who I was back then. Cutting my hair wasn't a way to try and be that person, either.

But this way, I can remind myself that I'm capable of experiencing happiness. It's not over. I can keep going.

My hair is that very reminder of those times where happiness was real, and that it could be obtained once again.

After all, I need to save myself. This is only the beginning.

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It's literally almost midnight and I'm writing this while trying to ignore snoring which I absolutely hate.

I'm sorry if this chapter isn't good. I was going to continue, but I can't write when I'm annoyed.

But in this chapter, it focuses on the friendship of Gray and Natsu. Sorry, no Gratsu man. xD But along with the character development of the two including Erza. Changes in Natsu's feelings towards Lucy are also revealed during this chapter.

Thank you all so much for the support on this book. That's really all I can say. So here's the reward, a new chapter again! xD

But really, I am getting busy as fuck so I'm surprised I got this out. Life has been a bitch as well.. so I aspire you all to have a good day.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed.

Bye.