Serenity Quinn

Confused

"Serenity!" My foster brother, Aaron shouted, walking up the front steps. I was sitting on the porch of my third foster home in four years. No one worked out. 

"Oh, hey," I said, scooching over to make room for Aaron. I took a headphone out. He sat down next to me on the step. 

"So, what have you been up to?" I asked.

"Went to see Abbigail. Damn, it's hot out today." He said, fanning his shirt. Abigail was Aaron's sister. She was a bit older but they'd always been close. 

"Yeah, well it's summertime. Suck it up, buttercup," I teased. He smirked at me and I bumped his shoulder. We always had this unspoken flirtatious humor between us. It had just developed over time, I guess. 

"Lunch!" Jenna shouted from the kitchen. 

"Let's go eat?" Aaron suggested. I shrugged and we both got up, his hand on my waist for a couple of seconds. It was just cause we were really close to each other, right? It made my cheeks heat up but I brushed it off. I walked through the creaky screen door and started for the kitchen, Aaron behind me. 

The other kids were already in the kitchen and dining room. One was standing around the island, making his plates. I walked over to the island, putting some chips and half of a sandwich on my plate. I grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge.  Jenna liked to make big meals for us. It was actually nice. Aaron followed me as I walked to the dining room table. 

"Hey, where have you guys been?" Kasey asked as we sat down.

"Outside," I stated simply, beginning to eat my sandwich. He nodded. Noah came over and sat across from me.

Jenna was our foster mom. She was pretty nice and she was good at taking care of us. She had a pretty big house with a big yard, and she did a lot of nice things for us; like making nice meals or buying a pool so we can cool off on too hot days. She was in the backyard, starting her gardening for the day. She was your typical home-maker. 

There were four of us kids who lived here. Myself, Aaron, Caroline, and Noah. Myself, Aaron, and Noah are 17 but Caroline was 16. We had all gotten to know each other a good amount. Aaron and Caroline had been here the longest. Then I came, then Noah. He was the most recent. His parents kicked him out and someone found out so he was placed into the system and then here with us.

I was closest to Aaron. Caroline and I were civil but weren't really that close. And I didn't really know Noah that well yet. 

Everyone was making conversation and eating, but I decided I wasn't all that hungry so I pushed it away and nudged Aaron. 

"Do you want this?" I asked. He gave me a confused look. I had only eaten about half of my sandwich, which was already a half. "I just don't really feel good." 

"I don't want your sandwich. I'll eat your chips, though," he said, smirking, and popping a potato chip into his mouth. I gave a half-smile. Once he was done with my plate, I got up and threw it out. I grabbed my water bottle and went upstairs, into my shared bedroom. I pulled my iPod out of my pocket and plopped down on my bed. I was hot, my head hurt, and I was kind of grumpy. I put my earphones in and selected a song. I closed my eyes and let the music fill my head. 

I had gotten this iPod when I was about 12.  It was an older one, probably from 2008 or something. It was like a brick but it held over 2,000 songs and it kept me sane. I didn't complain. It was from a foster family that took me in for a pretty long while. I thought they were going to keep me, but they didn't obviously. But, as a gift for my 13th birthday, my foster mom got it for me. I always asked to use hers, so she bought me one. Then I left. 

I jumped and shot open my eyes when I felt a hand on my knee. I let out a breath when I saw that it was Aaron. I took my headphones out and sat up as he sat down on my bed. 

"You all right?" He asked. I shrugged, not knowing what to say. It was just a low day for me, I guess. 

"Wanna talk about it?" he asked. I shook my head and looked up at him. He had his hand resting on my leg and it gave me goosebumps. We moved a little bit closer and our faces got so close, I could feel his breath. As soon as our lips grazed together, almost fully colliding, Caroline came into the room. I shot back, moving away from Aaron. 

"Oh, uh, my bad. I didn't mean to interrupt," Caroline said, snickering. One think about Caroline is that she can be really passive aggressive sometimes. 

"Don't worry about it," Aaron said, getting up and leaving without saying another word to me. I was confused. Had I done something to upset him? I didn't mean to. Maybe me jumping away from him gave him the wrong message? I didn't want him to think that something was wrong. I just get shy and I panic. I don't know what to do in those situations. I sighed and laid back down on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I put my headphones back in and tried to take a nap. I didn't want to feel or think anymore for the moment. 

I was woken up a couple of hours later by Kasey, telling me it was dinner-time. I sat up and brushed my hair out of my face. I yawned and stood up, putting a hoodie on before going downstairs since I was only wearing a tank top and it got chilly. It was still light out but the sun had begun to set. I walked downstairs and into the kitchen, grabbing my water from earlier, then going to sit at the dining room table with everyone else. Jenna ate dinner and breakfast with us, but not lunch usually. She was passing out paper plates. Tonight was Friday so it was take-out night. I guess everyone decided on pizza. 

Things at dinner went about the same as they did at lunch. Except for this time, I didn't go upstairs afterward. We also watched a movie together on Friday's. We all made our way to the living room, sitting on the couch and loveseat. I was in between Aaron and Noah, sitting with my knees at my chest and my back more towards Noah. Jenna picked a movie on Netflix and we all started watching it. 

About a quarter of the way through the movie, I felt Aaron's hand on my thigh. I acted as though I hadn't noticed, but really, I had butterflies. I had to admit, as much as I didn't want to let myself feel for Aaron, I did. I didn't want to hurt him and besides, it was against the rules to have any kind of romantic relationship with your foster siblings. But I let his hand stay there and eventually, I worked up the courage to put mine on top of his. I could see him look at me and smile out of the corner of my eye, but I again, acted like I wasn't phased. He opened his fingers, and I laced mine with his. 

We stayed like that for a while but a little before the end of the movie, I felt Noah's hand make it's way to my neck, subtly playing with my hair and grazing his fingers against my face. I don't know why, but I let him. I was attracted to both of them. I knew it was wrong but they made me feel good. They were giving me the attention that no one else had. So, when Noah gently and subtly took my other hand from my lap and interlocked our fingers between us, I let him. 

I held Noah's hand and Aaron's hand for the duration of the movie and neither of them knew. I didn't know how I felt about it. When the movie was finally over, I hastily snatched my hands away from both of them and went to my room. Why did I do things like that? All it did was confuse me. That kind of shit was the reason I didn't want to go any further with Aaron, I knew I would hurt him. Noah was new though. I didn't think he'd be the type for a relationship. I didn't know if I could have anything with either of them. I shouldn't, and I 100% knew that, but I ignored what I knew was wrong. 

After sitting in my room, over-thinking and beating myself up, I got a shower and got ready to lay down. I couldn't really sleep at night, so I liked to read. I got into bed, put my headphones in, and continued reading my book, "To kill A Mockingbird." It was one of my favorites. We read it in freshmen literature and it remained my favorite. I fell asleep in deep hours of the night, nearly finishing the book before passing out.